This was dope. @
namix
I think you rhyme waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many syllables tho.....
It almost sounds nursery rhyme-ish because you use so many multis.
Audio and Text, Apples and Oranges...
Try to dumb down your verse a little bit in your audio, and I think it will come off much smoother.
You just have to find your comfort zone w/ a mic, then you can start to switch shit up. Think simple... People's attention spans can't soak up all those syllables and wordplay w/ such a monotonous flow.
Possibly experiment w/ the way you spit each verse... For example, how ludacris changes his voice volume or tone... Or you can fuck w/ how fast you rhyme.
Def experiment w/ using different end rhymes... rhyming less syllables... Putting more emotion into the way you spit it, and diversifying your flow and delivery.