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Old 02-05-2013, 09:46 AM   #2
Lars
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Wolverhampton
Posts: 1,588
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Champed
- The Winter Topical

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Somewhat a hoarder... half the room's flowers, the others corpses
Heart of a lion, scientists' mind, lower half like a horses'


Loved that couplet, Sin. And the follow up of the alliterations from the first in "Shameful of my sins while simultaneously selling sour", it was a nice touch, done under the radar, but I noted it. LOL I was writing this response as I was reading through the thing, just caught that you did it a bunch afterwards. I noticed towards the end some of the lines were a little too long, syllabically, for me. This one the worst offender:

Cold blooded, the blood would freeze if something sharp meets with my skin

But it's probably just you showing some ring rust, I know you haven't been around for a minute.

Good to see you back Sin.

Keep that pen moving.


- Baron Mynd
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