[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle.

flo- I liked the concept. you used yourself as the main character. which is risky. it worked well enough here. but truth is you didn't dig deep enough. you gave a glossy overview. I get it. two days to write is hard to really get too deep with character development and emotion. but you have to do a little better. I thought the dads perspective was a great idea. and comparing how he saw his son, as compared to how his son thought his dad saw him was really interesting. you started off with the dad actually acting proud of the son and I thought wow the dad was really just bad at letting his true emotions show and the boy took it the totally wrong way and the dad died before he had a chance to really fully let him know how he felt about him. BUT you then flipped it and had the dad saying really cruel things about the boy which means he was right all along which really deaded that dynamic you almost built.

pie - I really liked your rhyme scheme and flow. pretty complex. I was a fan of the end rhymes as well. I liked how this started out, it was about the man and his emotions. mainly lust for this woman. and you potrayed it well. I do think once the sex scene started it was less about emotions and more about some explicit she was sucking my dick until I busted in her mouth type of writing. which is much easier to do. you maintained that flow well though even through that part.

overall pie had the better developed story and the better mechanics. good battle. thanks for the reads guys.

vote - pie