Certain Serpent, you really killed this with atmosphere and character depth. Multis added a nice polish to the verse overall, mostly I dug how each stanza ended... closing a thought but building on the overall verse...
Quote:
And for a moment, as I came inside this victim,
I, too, saw Lucifer's silent grimace.
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Quote:
For a second, gave into an ominous pride,
but as the blood poured, I was the one feeling hollow inside.
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Quote:
We covered the obvious, vile odor with cigarette drags,
but every exhale left every soldier to pick at his scabs.
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Again... atmosphere in this was cool as fuck, unmatched this week I think. And the closer was something I didn't see coming and was a unique twist. Haven't read through every battle yet, but this is a really complete drop and will probably end up being my favorite verse this week.
Innovator, I liked the cyclical angle that you added at the end of your piece. It reminded of Starship Troopers, the book, where Rico starts off in the army as a naive recruit but eventually conditioning builds him into a perfect company man. The psychology behind your piece was dope, but I was hung up on the rhyme scheme throughout. A little basic, and a few awkward rhymes threw me off....
Quote:
“You fight for your country
Against our governments tyranny
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Quote:
The butterflies are over powering my senses
This nervousness is natural to my innocence
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I think you could've focused a little more on deepening your scheme to bring the whole verse some more punch.
Vote for Certain Serpent