Res ipsa loquitur = “the thing speaks for itself.”
Eddie was a comedian on the circuit, a ventriloquist,
he could make the audience laugh without movin his lips,
the back and forth banter between him and his dummy,
seemed like self deprecating humor, that was genuinely funny,
his puppet was named Buddy, and was exceptionally mean,
verbally destroying the man that controlled him was the theme,
this was the part that people found most amusing,
cause Eddie actually looked like his ego was taking a bruising,
they had a bit, Eddie would drink water while still making him talk ,
and Buddy would say "this fag likes to swallow, its the only way he gets off",
after the show all the promoters could never understand,
why even backstage, the comic kept Buddy firmly placed on his hand,
and have the puppet making demands, like suckah pay up,
the club owners would roll their eyes like come on Eddie enough is enough,
but it was never enough, Buddy would talk and then talk some more,
people even overheard the two conversing as they walked out the door
next day at home he was awoken, from a really deep sleep,
by a sound in his driveway, the closing door of a jeep,
it was a reporter, for an interview about a show in the upcoming week,
Eddie opened the door with his hand covered, hidden beneath a sheet,
the reporter said, " Ed do you have a few minutes to speak?",
ive interviewed all the comedians on the bill, your is the last one I need to complete,
he said, "come in, lets get this over with, go head take a seat",
and yes I sometimes keep my hand covered, don't think of me as a freak,
its just this is how I make a living, so I don't want it to get injured or weak,
so I do daily lotion treatments, and try to use it the least,
the reporter said "I saw your show, you and buddy killed the crowd",
and id love to see him up close, I really hope that's ok and allowed,
that's when he heard Buddys voice, it was muffled and loud,
something about let me out, I want to make father proud,
Eddie yelled shut up before he could finish the sentence,
the reporter was convinced that he was an insane schizophrenic,
so he gave him a look and he cracked, that's all that it took,
he said fine want the fuckin truth, ill open the book,
listen motherfucker! I have a twin brother,
and after our birth, we were never separated from each other,
so instead of having us made fun of as kids,
my father decided to put us into showbiz,
he wrote the jokes until his heart attack,
now Buddys the talent and im just a hack,
have you put it together? now that ive revealed my past,
I don't control the dummy, Buddy wears it as a mask,
just to make it clear so you fully understand,
he never fully developed and is attached to my hand!,
so I guess there is only one thing left to do,
take off the sheet and introduce Buddy to you!
