[Certain]

She's not entirely wrong. There was a lot of potential in this verse. But the simplicity dragged it down. The rhymes were OK, but the scheme was inconsistent. I think that the clumsy flow and a few exhausted phrases ("million-dollar question," "penny for my thoughts" ... if you're using phrases like those, you should try to flip them into something else) buried a few interesting turns of phrase and concepts. I liked the idea of passing out in a forest and building a fortress, though that seemed almost to be a happenstance series of slanted rhymes in the grand scheme of your verse.

I also had a bit of an issue with the presentation. This verse felt almost like it originally was written in paragraph format, then broken up. The lack of spacing after some punctuation made it a bit awkward to read. And there were quite a few small typos, though that's standard fare.

I think you probably wrote this very quickly, and I would like to see what you could do with more polish on a verse and more concern toward originality.