So first of all, I want to say that both of y'all make the Open Mic a better place, both for your writing and your feedback. Vulgar went hard today. Split Eight dropped the Top 20 list that got everyone talking. Then y'all dropped this masterpiece. And I don't use that lightly. This was one of the five or six best pieces I've read in my return to this realm, and you both held your own.
Split Eight, you had the impossible task of matching Vulgar, who seems impossible to match. I'm glad you sort of melded your own style around his, not trying to do an impression but also keenly aware of what you would be forced to stand next to. The abstractions came together because you clearly thought this through. This was by far my favorite verse I've read from you. My lips pursed by the end of this segment:
Quote:
Save when we're stumbling spelling all drunk,
discussing some jelly filling, bellying up,
The setting's spinning, constantly spilling..
Resenting that her top 3 jokes-
are bottled turns of phrase Franz Kafka prolly wrote
as it's torrential rains all on my Parade-page/ paper-maiche gondola boat.
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God, that's nasty. Then there was the piles of internal references in this:
Quote:
Talking is bargain bin. Go in oh-so prepared,
As faux as my fake-and its opal pro-pylene glare,
So barely warm on this worn out, poorly carpeted square.
Are y'all even aware of misquoting the whole status quo?
As self-image aware as non-problem kids can sadly go.
You already know, that I'm there: caught on it, i'm all rhombus,
She's a box-office swan song, she's diving deep,
Meet me and lean on this boxed product,
More'n often talks on nonsense, to me. Wanna isosceles her angles,
On and on, some-body please, explain her plot synopses aren't all impossibly deep.
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Multiple references to angles and movies caught throughout. But the important part is it all fit with the small-talk topic. You didn't lose yourself in your writing. You didn't lose me in your writing, either. I will say that I thought the verse could have ended at that exact point. You ran on, and the final third of your verse just wasn't as compelling or tightly written and deeply thought.
Vulgar came with, well, that same impenetrable forest that ensures he'll be alive when the rest of us are slaughtered. I picked up a lot of this verse, though, which was fun and made me feel smarter than I am. This was vicious:
Quote:
I abided by finite laws; sights set on Dawkin's approved delusional wisdom
I'll tell you what. 'Honesty is the best policy' got me landed in vitruvian prison
coded larynx transmitters, cerebral attachments, all tied into a spire
Relationships didn't wreak from the passion - a One Nightmare Stand,
I stood bright, yet perspired, an MK-Ultimatum that was icy as Breyers
leading Hope Armadas may lead to blindness, hence this conjunctivitis acquired
slurred words perturbed, exchanged with a heavily chlorinated valkryie
My passive genes didn't convince Cathleen to go out for decaf with me
Didn't jizz in my pants - I gave GZA my pen
since intellectual inkwells tend to dry up if verbal swords travel in liquid descent
Mistletoe prickling again. Breast milk sweet, but why the ruthless haste?
if Bora Bora Bora bores her on a movie date
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I feel like it's lazy to compare an abstract text rapper to Aesop Rock, but that segment seemed straight off Labor Days. Then you dipped into the Company Flow-era El-P with some nastiness that was probably my favorite part of the entire piece:
Quote:
Peeling back a chilled Guiness, wishing I could still finish
She's a lollipop guild tenant, it ain't a wasteland if there's a milf in it
Post apocalyptic skies, cold Cirroc and dripping wives.
Coastal docks, my dick's subscribed to Vogue: the Panoptic edition, Time
plus her tits&eyes, I tsk tsk if I don't get a rise. Not trying to preserve my condoms.
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The ending made me laugh.
Vulgar's verse was more tightly written then Split Eight's, but I think that maybe played to both of your strengths. Split Eight definitely had the more emotive, relatable verse, and that allowed him to stand up to Vulgar's perfectionist craftwork. What I'm trying to say is, y'all should do this more often.