PANCAKE’S TOP 25 BOARDERS.
Hello.
During my boarding on our fair site, Nessy’s, I have formed the Boarding Review Board. This is a one man panel consisting of myself. I took this upon myself because I see boarding as an art. There are three facets to a Nessy’s user; Battler, Writer, and Discussioneer. I would argue that the latter is the most important for the sustained life and activity of the website itself. Black can write 100 HOF Open Mics and Beyond can slowly type a dozen 10/10 battle verses due to his fake lack of eye sight, but it will fall on deaf/blind ears. No one will feed or vote on either at our current rate anyways. What truly drives posting activity and member immersion is the Discussion Board, whether you like it or not. Text has faded; the personality of the textcee has not. The talent and ability to become an elite Discussioneer is as nuanced and difficult as becoming a respected battler or writer. Some posters are born with an innate posting ability, it is derived from their real life personality and genetics like Bags or VERITAS. For others, it is an art form that is slowly perfected, honed, and sharpened over time like Split Nine or Sharp Eight. However you come to the status of elite Discussioneer is irrelevant. Once you have become one, you are among the Top 30% of personalities in rap, period.
The Boarding Review Board judges the art of Discussion by five criteria. I was not entirely sure if it was three, four, five, or six. But I have been drinking and five seems like the correct number. The criterion are as follows (I used criterion incorrectly);
1. ACTIVITY – You must be active. This is of utmost import. There are Discussioneers/Boards who made the Top 25 without being overly active (in fact our Top Boarder is not overly active) but they make up for this deficiency through Content/ROFLZ. A Discussioneer who posts one 10/10 ROFLZ post once a week is not worth nearly as much as a fellow boarder who posts six 7/10 ROFLZ posts a week. The math checks out.
2. ROFLZ – Also known as ‘lol quotient’ or ‘lol’d irl, srs potential’. Self explanatory. Laughs are the lifeblood of Discussion. ROLFZ supersedes Content easily. Nessy’s is not a library. We’re all textcee’s here, which is inherently derogatory. We’re here to “DISS” each other and make voters laugh. This extends to Discussion to a greater extent.
3. CONTENT – Quality posts will not go unnoticed. Being an intelligent Discussioneer is the harder path to fame but it is viable. Boarders will respect intelligence. Sometimes.
4. REPUTATION – The catch all. More than a handful of boarders became Discussioneers because of this provision. Reputation falls into a multitude of categories. Text (Battle/OM) respect, previous Discussion respect, unfuckwitability. All of these factor in.
5. ORIGINALITY – A couple boarders made the Discussioneer class due to originality without qualifying for the previous qualifications. Originality is inherent in the previous three qualifications but can become a quality in and of it’s self at times.
Now that we’ve made the clear, I won’t mention any of that shit in the Discussioneer write-ups.
NOTE – This list reflects the last couple of months of New Nessy’s. Certain boarders would rise in rankings, and certain cut boarders would make the Top 25 Discussioneers if this was an All-Time Ranking. If you didn’t make it, don’t get mad at me. Get mad at yourself.
NOTE - This is a personal list. I'm the most intelligent person alive, so it should be okay. If you disagree with this list, that's okay. We all have different opinions and that's what makes the world go 'round. You're a great person and have so much to live for.
NOTE - I like trolls.
1. uh-oh
WHY!? The epitome of consistency. No one keeps it as 100 hundred as uh-oh. I can't recall the last uh-oh post that did not make me laugh, but not at him. You don't laugh at uh-oh. You laugh with him. Because he is grimey, and from Ohio. Not very active, but pops up in serious conversations and spouts out self-referencing knowledge that makes me lol irl, srs. The epitome of a Discussioneer; he doesn't do shit on Nessy's other that post in Disc. Top rated clickability.
2. Bags
WHY!? The archetype. The master of the use of caps (nik has an argument) and the rare art form of the extended thread title. Types like GOW lately, which adds to hilarity. A polarizing figure, some consider him a 'faggot'. But his acumen for funny posts is nearly unmatched. To wit; his current Rican crusade is nuanced and hilarious. Condescending, smart, stupid, and extremely active. A serious contender for uh-oh's Top Spot.
3. VERITAS
WHY!? An activity generator. I would say more than 50% of the Disc considers him a faggot. But he's a "faggot" that generates a shit load of responses to almost any comment he makes. Intelligent, but a master troll. He will say he doesn't troll, but he does. Even his recent apology topic is a hidden insult to the people he apologized to. The leader of the Tyson Fucking Little Boys parade.
4. DeliciousGirl
WHY!? She is a being unto herself. She speaks in half-English. She is literally stupid and creates the most unintentionally funniest moments in Disc.
5. Strikta
WHY!? A more active, grimier, and serious uh-oh. His boarding is strongest when describing his personal life. Cat shit muffins. Extorting beached land whales while performing cunnilingus with his pointer finger. Takes text too serious sometimes, which is his only downfall.
6. …the Munster
WHY!? Master troll. Good use of pics. Topics are original. He's black, so that's unfortunate. Finds creative ways to troll the forum. High originality points, strong Topic clickability.
7. Split Eight
WHY!? Actively tries to be a great Discussioneer. Good use of GIFS and memes. Witty.
8. ill nik-A
WHY!? The master of caps. The ying to Bags yang. Strong trolling skills. Very opinionated, and lets the Disc in on his BBQ'ing habits. Apparently lives in Florida.
9. GOW
WHY!? High troll rating. His typo's induce (un)intentional laughs. High respectability rating. Very active at night when he's high as fuck letting his child watch Adult Swim.
10. Allen Knight
WHY!? He's better than Bags at the Bags vs. AK Discussion beef. Posts random shit that's cool. Beefs with people at the drop of a hat.
11. Spooky Deep
WHY!? I think Spook's funny as fuck 2x. Artful troll technique and character crafting. People respond to his shit even after all this time. Points taken off for Veritas destroying his cover. Veritas might be SpookyDeep. Dunno.
12. Aero
WHY!? Perfect troll account. Never breaks character, annoys the fuck out of people and thus creates activity and animosity.
13. Joe Metts
WHY!? Posts funny shit, respected. Lost points for over infatuation with Textcee past.
14. Hush
WHY!? Doesn't post much but rates high in respectability. Almost every time he posts in a topic he gets a response. His posts are usually of the shit-talking variety and creates activity.
15. Vulgar
WHY!? Roast master general. High points for content. He's like CHYEAHHH!!!! if CHYEAH!!!!! wasn't a dumb faggot and had writing talent.
16. Witty
WHY!? Fox.
17. Figurative
WHY!? Underrated boarder. Funny post content. Lacks the depth of Discussioneer personality to make highly clickable Topics, though.
18. Wise Ways
WHY!? Negative as fuck and honest. Strong tit potential in avatar/sig. From Portland and possibly very depressed.
19. Sharp Nine
WHY!? I think this guy's really average. Run of the mill kind of guy. People like him I guess. Seems so-so in every way to me.
20. NYCSPITZ
WHY!? Smart. Trolls. Plays Chess like a faggot, I beat him. High Topic clickability, but no one responds to them.
21. Meth
WHY!? The hardest working Discussioneer in history.
23. BWHAHA
WHY!? He's posted a grand total of 10 times in the last few months (estimate). If he posted regularly he'd probably be the top boarder. Very satirical. Funny.
24. Masaii
WHY!? Posts some cool shit and life stories. Wants to be the Top Discussioneer badly enough he cracks the list.
25. Lars
WHY!? Fuck it.
FIRST CUT
Philly
Orc
Frank
Neighbor
Diode
Cashius
Swerve
BWHAHA:
If violins are violence then that means ejaculate my jet-pack to penis land
and I’ll exist kindly … to inseminate this wordplay to pen island
The grim reaper eyes me, I mean, with whatever’s behind there
but his scythe swings right through, clean. Chemical nightmare
No blood, or no death. I can’t even die, my apathy’s improving.
Amusing how agony is useless. I’ll pioneer this homestead.
I’m wired fixed, an asshole. So why exist, a candle
I have lit. the wax grows. Violet. The fire pit, is ample
Thin hips, and sandals. With a big stick and black robes.
Such an undervalued wardrobe. I’d wear it when I’m feeling sexy
No one really unveils the inconsistency of such an inaccurate killing weapon
And actually; it isn’t supposed to be accurate, pumpkin
It isn’t the actual consistency, just the tenacity of it
Now I know how the slaves felt, you’ll say I don’t know how the slaves felt
the slaves didn’t even know how the slaves felt, now you’re saying I shouldnt say i know how the slaves felt?
I’ve skipped rocks on you pillow-esquey stepping stones. Let’s blow
I couldve wrote any other day, but today is that anyday. Tempo
I’m a silhouetted vexed clone, sobriquet, I’ve left notes
It’s ten fold. Alone in my cigarette’y shaped desk dome. Everyday
Spent about a decade’ in my dress clothes. Ventilating, to the web. Groan
Anyway, I turn my head it echoes. (He’s imitating the very way Hemingway’s pen strokes?)
So confused, I try to reiterate my past life with my current one.
Serpents tongue, offering the fruit that falls far from the tree. Souls consumed.
Oh, it’s you. The vagabond. Seriously though, come close when I speak this dribble
If the grim reaper was walking around with Arizona iced tea and skittles
As unmenacing as that is, atleast it’d look a little suspicious,
Oh that’s racist! No, it just isn’t what you expecting from in it
Cause what you don’t expect, when it hits. Well it hurts
Melted Earth. Smooch of death, try and predict this french kiss
Delicate feather. Can’t rule with a iron fist, and a velvet worth
Mind encrypted, ones self comes first; in this eloquent zephyr.
"Are you implying, death and trayvon both had hoodies" Yeah, and, so what
I’ll sip the blood of Jesus, give a girl a wink, and don’t think you’ve never thought to bone nuns.
That’s just the way the mind works, can’t persuade, dissuade the minds own
Way it creates a sly zone, away, ‘try to charade a mime, yo!’
Oh god, the Papier-mâché’s alive, whoa! Emanating. Just die slow.
I’ve created a Frankenstein, but useful, his name is Albertenstein
Pupils dilated. It’s brutal. Make me an atom bomb, but …on Palestine
Never been the type of guy who wanted' kids. But Wanna build Noahs Ark, with mini-me’s?
My Coat of Arms literally’s a trench jacket made up of upper-limbs
Interview with Split Eight by sik
Alright....
Im here with Split Nine aka Sharp Eight....Whats good Split?
nothin much my nigga. enjoying a nice glass of 4 month Franzia in Merlot
Wine? Real classy bro. Speaking of which who do you feel is at the top of the class when it comes to OM peices
Lmao I see you trying to sway me towards pancakebrah. fuck that dude, u madmin? Nah. I'd have to say that while NYCSPITZ is putting in work, and Black 2.0 + Zygote are taking breaks or some shit, that Vulgar has been straight dropping fire lately.
Sri Lanka. peep it.
Word...I'll do that?...lol..Speaking of Topicals...The Element Tourny just finished it's 'Story Round'. Were you able to peep and what do you think?
a couple unsuspected upsets... you over Genocide i didnt see coming, no offense. Yeah, I think making Storytelling the second round was weird cause it was elim, woulda made it 1st round and battling 2nd
I dont think anyone thought I'd beat Geno, not even him. And as far as rounds I can see why you might say that. There has been talk latetly of things we can do to maybe ADD to the sites appeal and gain more personel. Whats the top thing you think could be done?
delete the Gamble. break Rawns beady little fists. have more roasts
Good ol' roasts. I do miss them, yet 'some' of the new cats tend to make the unroflz unbearable..
RIP bleak tho i jus poured a 40 of paint thinner out for dude
Any advice you can give for some of these new guys as far as being a good boarder?.And do you think Rawn invented the lint roller?
idk, post for you... dont try to be funny if youre not, dont try to smart if youre not, cos youre just wasting posts... not like anyone logs off and thinks bout how cool you are. When youre getting trashed on just exit thread, dont gotta get the last word to be top dog. Bags/ Cake/ etc can get you posting for days and you will still get murdered in 30 words or less
Ok now on to Rawn....There is a rumor he invented the lint roller using only his sperm and some notebook paper....Your thoughts? And is he possibly turning out to be the worst boarder in NC history?
I believe it. Rawn's soul is 99% wikipedia now, if you translate Rawnold to Mayan it spells "Skynet"
Nah not the worst, you forget Big Game so easy
I find it crazy how some people get shamed off the site and still come back countless times trying to be apart of the community...Do you think there is mental problems involved or an addiction?
nah its all fun, its like 30% of the site is cool ppl and 60% of ppl are just tryna get accepted by the cool ppl. 10% are just there to write or something boring
Alright Split its your turn to throw me a question….What you got?
WHO DO YOU THINK IS ON PANCAKES TOP 25 BOARDER LIST AND WILL IT BE FEATURED
Top 5 go
apparantly i suck at boarding so I would have absoultly no idea
i would have to say...
1. Uh-oh
2. Split
3. Witty
4. Bags
5. Himself
Well I wanted to talk more about your drinking wine alone, but didnt want to ruin the interveiw...With that being said what are your last words?
Smh do me dirty like that in my own interview. A man cant enjoy his birthday bag of alcohol over some jamaican scat porn and self-help reading w/out getting called a loner?
speaking of jamaican scat porn
DG pls stop. think of the children
There you have it NC…..DG babysits while role playing as a plumbing stripper….Rawn has miniature fetus hands and it is completely possible that a leaf blower was the last component to his time traveling device….Allen Knight eats Asian foreskin….peace