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Old 08-10-2013, 08:03 PM   #11
patrown
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/v obj- i like how you ended this. observations of how fucked we all are rarely end on an inspirational note. well done, there. i was a little thrown off by the format, and almost feel as if it means something. and what is a hexagons wife? heh. a riddle within a verse. i like that. anyway, i think you took the cake here with sincerity and the effort you put in. no complaints.

nigma - i'm pretty sure there's something i'm missing here, with the whole meaning.. and the significance of E. but i can relate to your character's plight. i too, used to get "punch drunk." gotta watch that. i like the way you worded a lot of this, for instance..

The nameless fake to take his place was blatantly vactant when he raised me
The shame of embracing a baby that aint got his traits was makin him hate E

that flowed very well. i think grasping your metaphor would have made the shorter bars make more sense. but i just didn't get some of this. not your fault so still, good drop.
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