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Old 08-08-2013, 02:45 PM   #7
Pinot Grij
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Brian Bryan did what I was afraid to do with my verse and that was to go toe-to-toe with the original... Vulgar's shit was pristine, but BriBry actually took the theme one step further, responsed and critiqued the original with a voice that didn't try necessarily to go toe-to-toe with the insane amount of allusion Vulgar went to.

Rawn, I thought technique-wise it was a little bumpy

Quote:
Cancer cells brings immortality, but also kills its host in the end run
Even if we chose the road less traveled, in the same place we’d end up
In a world where one bergan belsin equates to mozarts 9th symphony
The mona lisa’s traded at market value for the next mans life misery
Just didn't read smoothly for me.

Thematically, I thought the verse was a little all over the board too... allusions to a lot of different concepts that seemed awkward when placed close together (sputnik/immaculate conception/Yemen)

I like the concept but I think the verse needs some polish. BB hit closer to the target on this one with a well-written and well-devised verse

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