This is dopesauce, too long to quote odd ends and sods I liked while at work, but definately will re-visit at some point.
Great concept behind it, pretty sure my boy @
oats would love this one actually, didn't think the flow started slowly as @
Objective said - infact, I thought the way the lines were short and broken up added to it if anything, placed more emphasis on certain points being made by doing that, made it connect with me more as a reader because it made me concentrate on what was being said, you dig?
Nothing against Objective, just stating my opinion, I agree with him for the most part. If there's an OM nomination thread, this gets my vote. Real ingenuitive. I liked.
Keep that pen moving!