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Originally Posted by Storyteller
These words seem indistinct and just scattered for show,
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Sho nuff. Gotta reiterate what others said here.. no story. These abstract-ish verses seem to be the norm in topical texting these days and it all seems to fall into the same slush pile for me. Without a strong storyline, or killer, killer rhyme schemes, its hard to differentiate.
Flo Real, I really hated your ending man... I liked the character, and felt for him a bit, but that ending could have been fleshed out far more. First two stanzas had some nice details (like, better make it 8) to make your character believable. Those details are nice touches.
Vote goes to Flo Real for sticking to a story