Netcees - View Single Post - Week 2 - Flo Real vs Adonis

08-03-2013, 12:57 AM

Flow - I enjoyed ur back and forth, i felt it could have maybe been set up a bit better and delved a bit deeper (bc there are lots of conspiracy theories) but it was non-the-less effective. Flow wise it was pretty smooth, i caught a few hiccups, but nothing major. Scheming I feel u kinda fell a bit short, u multi a few times, but dont follow thru with it. Regardless, content wise it was on point, and the conversational jargon u used fit it well. Im still trying to figure out how i feel about the end tho...like i like and dont like the fact that it didnt rhyme, bc it placed emphasis on the agreement, and it allowed for a little comedic relief, but at the same time u coulda done a one line rhyme with an internal and had that same effect. I did enjoy it though.

Adonis - You have a lot going on in your verse, and I had to read it thru a few times. Tbh i was not crazy with ur approach, it came across to scattered for me with to many gaps. I mean i like that u eluded to alot of diff conspiracy thoughts, but thats really all it was a bunch of theories thrown in with the exception of creation (including alien beings) and Illuminati (which u built the other thoughts on.) I felt that if u took more a direct approach like ur opponent did it would have been better. Also at some points I really like ur wordchoice but at some points I didn't at all (ie: abusiveness proud - that just does not sound right) Flow wise, it was pretty solid, I did find a few hiccups (like with flo) but nothing really detracted from the piece, and it was prolly a bit better then flo's tbh. Scheming i felt u did a better job then ur opponent by a fairly large margin at points though, but fell short at others. I will say this... conceptually u did have a few golden moments (ie: step-father isn't dad.) Your ending kinda tied back to the beginning and i appreciate that, but I also think you could have done that a bit better, and even delved into cyclical time opposed to linear. I just felt that there was a bit to much going on, while to much was left open at the same time.

I gotta go with flo here for a better approach and conveyance of topic.

Vote - flo real

08-03-2013, 12:57 AM	#8
Rawn M.D. Guest Posts: n/a	Flow - I enjoyed ur back and forth, i felt it could have maybe been set up a bit better and delved a bit deeper (bc there are lots of conspiracy theories) but it was non-the-less effective. Flow wise it was pretty smooth, i caught a few hiccups, but nothing major. Scheming I feel u kinda fell a bit short, u multi a few times, but dont follow thru with it. Regardless, content wise it was on point, and the conversational jargon u used fit it well. Im still trying to figure out how i feel about the end tho...like i like and dont like the fact that it didnt rhyme, bc it placed emphasis on the agreement, and it allowed for a little comedic relief, but at the same time u coulda done a one line rhyme with an internal and had that same effect. I did enjoy it though. Adonis - You have a lot going on in your verse, and I had to read it thru a few times. Tbh i was not crazy with ur approach, it came across to scattered for me with to many gaps. I mean i like that u eluded to alot of diff conspiracy thoughts, but thats really all it was a bunch of theories thrown in with the exception of creation (including alien beings) and Illuminati (which u built the other thoughts on.) I felt that if u took more a direct approach like ur opponent did it would have been better. Also at some points I really like ur wordchoice but at some points I didn't at all (ie: abusiveness proud - that just does not sound right) Flow wise, it was pretty solid, I did find a few hiccups (like with flo) but nothing really detracted from the piece, and it was prolly a bit better then flo's tbh. Scheming i felt u did a better job then ur opponent by a fairly large margin at points though, but fell short at others. I will say this... conceptually u did have a few golden moments (ie: step-father isn't dad.) Your ending kinda tied back to the beginning and i appreciate that, but I also think you could have done that a bit better, and even delved into cyclical time opposed to linear. I just felt that there was a bit to much going on, while to much was left open at the same time. I gotta go with flo here for a better approach and conveyance of topic. Vote - flo real Last edited by Rawn M.D.; 08-03-2013 at 01:02 AM.