[Split]

Pancake

Sigur Ros is really cool. I saw them live once. I liked your word choice here, very fitting of the topic. Character piece of a girl in her birthplace. couldve done with more personality description.

After "Free's homonym" I liked your rhyming much more, felt looser and not so sectioned. "Perfect nose jut" was good wording. The ending couplet or so was ethereal. Also enjoyed your structure here, I think I like your rhyming when you have longer pauses between schemes, but the verse was direct and didnt stray from the topic.


Story

Writing was more lucid than normal. Some of your vocab was still used wrongly/ you could've said it less cryptically with more friendly words. I liked the history content. You strongly conveyed the desire to bond with your motherland, and added emotion without making the verse chintzy.

The flow and rhymes were also pleasing, tough to do with interspersed Icelandic.

I think the story was kinda lost on me in the second half. It was framed weird, was it like people in court being tried for their love of Iceland? Or the account of the descendants of the first settlers? I can't be arsed to Google that name. Sorry. It was a cool story, I'd say your best ever.


Well, both verses were enjoyable. A relatively close battle, in fact. The only issue I saw with Cake's was a certain distance I felt from the character herself. The issue I felt with Story's was, besides a slightly ambiguous story/ theme, slightly less tight mechanics.

I really enjoyed both verses here. Gotta give V/ Pancake