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Old 08-02-2013, 06:40 AM   #8
zygote
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Enigma, liked the ending part where you discuss "Islamic impeachment," don't have any knowledge of these peoples, but you expressed this sense of impending loss in your writing here, it was very strong. Only minor, disliked the word karma, it has a big mental association with Buddhists who have the stereotype image of Asian, and from your description at the start "Man compares us to the Pharaohs" I was imagining these characters as African/Berber/Egyptian.

Plot, disliked the first paragraph, didn't understand the relevance of including this part about the pope, perhaps to serve as a counterpoint (to present the pope in a certain way, so it will contrast with more serious discussion you made about the tribal priestly rituals). If that was your argument/theme it maybe wasn't brought out enough, a more theme rather than story based conclusion-type ending might have been stronger. Enjoyed the actual descriptions of the events, very detailed and atypical. Voting for Enigma.
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