Firstly I re read it
secondly I never personally said u words were off I said ur rhyming words were to imperfect (fanny/alley) and some of that gave it a sing song feel to me, and then i commented on ur scheming bc sometimes u go a, b, a (with the b rhyming with an internal b) and others u just a, a, a it
and all I got from the egg line was cold eggs/overcooked eggs as a reference to y ur mad and going to do whatever nasty sht ahead as a foreshadow and blisters feet with another throwback reference done at the end.. So for continuity sake I see, but I don't really get much more then that out of it... Maybe I'm overtired I unno, but I doubt it.. Unless ur using them as metaphors for egg=new life like foreshadowing his meeting Alan and the two of them forging a sadistic (cold) bond that basically is new to him as a individual and changed him dramatically and the blistered feet = tired and overworked eluding t their victim being really old n then them working her over more.. But a that point I feel like I'm over thinking it, bc that's not really conveyed via story.
And i f I REALLY want to reach eggs/gonads overcooked/old n dried out and eggs blister in pans while cooking but that a reach like big time.
and sometimes dumbing things Down dumbs down the peice (but I think u were going more to give it characters personality,) personally only time I see a dumb down as beneficial is with a complex concept or emotion or for character personality and designation
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Gazette