Netcees - View Single Post - Week 2 - Mike Wrecka vs TopicalDood5

Certain · 08-02-2013, 01:58 AM

Mike Wrecka: After writing my verse Monday night, I started to look at the other topics and familiarize myself with them. With that said, I don't actually think much of the history here lines up. That's not a deal-breaker, though, particularly since I can't call myself anything close to an expert on the Khazars. So I'll give you a break and step outside of Khazar history for a moment. I liked the content of this verse a lot. Well before you put a bow on it at the end, I had picked up the themes you were going for in terms of the cycle of desperate third-world countries. I thought the rhyming became a bit tedious at times early, when you used the same basic rhyme for 12 lines. I'd have preferred a few of those rhymes to be used as internals. In general, the scheme was simplistic, though I understand the demanding subject matter pushed technical pursuits to the background a bit. The content was definitely king, though, and a bit more originality in phrasing or flexing of lyricism would have been appreciated and helped the flow of ideas by keeping readers on their toes and interested.

TopicalDood5: I liked a lot about this verse, but how does it relate to the topic? I read this story a few times and tried to impart what I know about the Khazars onto it, and it just didn't connect to me. That's a pretty big strike, unlike Mike Wrecka's loose interpretation of Khazar history. Having said that, the story was good. Your rhymes are strong, obviously, but your phrasing is less consistent. There are times when the twists of phrase really jump off the screen and impress me but others where you are too opaque. I recognize that writing these styles of verses is not akin to writing prose or even free-verse poetry, but I think specifically when you have a story to deliver, being direct can help your message. Mostly, though, the problem was with the relation to the topic. I thought your verse was better than Mike Wrecka's, without factoring that in. But the point of this league is to challenge writers to step outside their comfort zones by following specific tasks, and you seemed to look for a way to shirk that.

Vote: Mike Wrecka

08-02-2013, 01:58 AM	#6
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Mike Wrecka: After writing my verse Monday night, I started to look at the other topics and familiarize myself with them. With that said, I don't actually think much of the history here lines up. That's not a deal-breaker, though, particularly since I can't call myself anything close to an expert on the Khazars. So I'll give you a break and step outside of Khazar history for a moment. I liked the content of this verse a lot. Well before you put a bow on it at the end, I had picked up the themes you were going for in terms of the cycle of desperate third-world countries. I thought the rhyming became a bit tedious at times early, when you used the same basic rhyme for 12 lines. I'd have preferred a few of those rhymes to be used as internals. In general, the scheme was simplistic, though I understand the demanding subject matter pushed technical pursuits to the background a bit. The content was definitely king, though, and a bit more originality in phrasing or flexing of lyricism would have been appreciated and helped the flow of ideas by keeping readers on their toes and interested. TopicalDood5: I liked a lot about this verse, but how does it relate to the topic? I read this story a few times and tried to impart what I know about the Khazars onto it, and it just didn't connect to me. That's a pretty big strike, unlike Mike Wrecka's loose interpretation of Khazar history. Having said that, the story was good. Your rhymes are strong, obviously, but your phrasing is less consistent. There are times when the twists of phrase really jump off the screen and impress me but others where you are too opaque. I recognize that writing these styles of verses is not akin to writing prose or even free-verse poetry, but I think specifically when you have a story to deliver, being direct can help your message. Mostly, though, the problem was with the relation to the topic. I thought your verse was better than Mike Wrecka's, without factoring that in. But the point of this league is to challenge writers to step outside their comfort zones by following specific tasks, and you seemed to look for a way to shirk that. Vote: Mike Wrecka __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.