Frotteurism:
The act of rubbing one’s genitalia against another’s person, usually that of a stranger. Must be non-consensual and is considered a psychiatric condition as well as a criminal offense in most places
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Frank the Frotteurist Meets Alan the Rapist: A Tale of Wronging Molly
Hello.
The Name's Frank. My Mom calls me Frankie - and frankly, I Hate That
I live in her Cellar, drink Stella and Take Crack
I Aint Bad, but if my eggs are cold, that Lame Hag get's a Straight Slap
Today's my Birthday, I'm Forty Four.
I've Scored a Ball, but unfortunately, I can't Afford a Whore
Even though in This Old Town, Pimps Go Round from Door to Door
Plus, I seem to have an Odd Problem with This
See, a Business Transaction, requires Sitting and Chatting
And if I've made her acquaintance, my Cock Doesn't get Stiff
Not that I haven't tried. But it was destined to End in a Mess
Long story short, she became Vexed and Distressed
I needed 9 gallons of acid to Dispense with her Flesh
Anyway, let me tell you about the Day I've Had
It began as usual. Overcooked eggs, wank, an Eighth of Crack
Took a Pee, put on my Dungarees, and made my way to Laser-Tag
As you probably suspect, I aint Going for the Fun of It
But in the Guise of a Partner, I can Find what I'm After
I Look to Pick the Dumbest Kid, n get Close Enough to Rub my Dick
But I never Made It. Got half way and Collapsed on the Pavement.
Too much of the Ole' Crack. Woke up in a Pool of my Own Crap
And there, Slapping my Face Is, none other than Alan the Rapist ...
~
Hello.
I'm Alan. I like Art, Fables and Clark Gable
And James Cagney, Rape, Brandy
Rape, Candy, Cakes, Rape .... Cigars, Anal Rape, Wacky?
Yeah, a Bit Mad. Today I Shrink-Wrapped my Dick And - Spanked the Ole' Nuts
I straight-up Murdered my Rabbit, with bunson-Burners and Hammers
And to commemorate Thumper-the-Third - I Drank my Own Blood
Today's my anniversary, we would have been married Seventeen Years
Had I not Raped her so Badly Though, she may not have Taken those Trazadones
Let's just say the whole thing Ended in Tears
As always, I went to pay my Respects at her Grave
But, alas, when I Got to the Cemet'ry a Copper was Next to Me
Asking ... "why are you in a graveyard with a Wrench and a Spade?"
Well, what could I say? I didn't, I Ran for The Hills
('The Hills', by the way, is a Local Drinkery where Hoes n Strippers Be)
I ordered Verdaccio, chilled, and took a Handful of Pills
Panic, palpitations, please God, not Another Attack
In Total Fear, I waited for the Coast to Clear
Then I gathered my Rubbers and Cash and I Snuck out the Back
What now? Horny and nowhere to go, in my Pants, an Obelisk
I was Desperate for some Fanny, so I Headed for the Alley
But I slipped in a Pool of Crap - Whose was That? - It was Frank the Frotteurists ...
~
"Frank? Frankie?" C'mon me ole 'mucka, Smell the Damn Coffee!"
Franks Eyes were Bemused - Wild and Confused
"Ugh, don't call me 'Frankie' ... and Get ya Hands Off Me!"
"Sorry - too much crack huh? - Keep doin' that ya Heart'll Cave In"
"Fuck me, look at all this Smelly Poop ... Where you Headed To?"
"Was gonna dig up the wife - y'know ... do a bit of Carcass Rapin'"
"No Luck?"
"No Luck"
And so it began. The partnership of Frank and Alan the Rapist
A truly Terrible Pair, yeah, you Better be Scared
Fascist n Racist the Bastards are Shameless, gathered to capture and Massacre Neighbors!
~
Hello.
My name's ... Ummm, Molly - Good Golly, I'm almost Eighty-Five!
I've had the Greatest Life, but ... today's the Day I Died -
Or, perhaps, I should Say That I - was Raped and Knifed
I was settling in for some Tea and Supper
It won't Harm you to Know, that I'm Partial to Scones
With a generous helping of Cheese or Butter
They help my digestion, when I have to Pop a Pill
Which I Usually Do ... When I'm Perusing the Tube
I get so excited, What a Thrill! - God damn that hunky Doctor Phil!
So there I am, feet on the pouffet, Bursting Blisters
But it's very quiet, I'm Wondering If - Something's Amiss
And then it occurs to me ... Where on Earth is Whiskers???
"Here Kitty. Here Kitty" I Say - a Little Afraid
Try n tempt her with a Can of Salmon, no? How about a Slab of Gammon? No.
I Listlessly Wait, half of the night I Fritter Away
Then, an odd scratching sound, yes I Heard it I Think
I listen Up for the Scratches - Oh, they seem to Come from the Patio
"Awww, is my little Kitty-Catty Cold ...? "
... and then I see Whiskers' head - Perched on a Stick
White-pain shoots down my arm, then pulsates from my Neck to my Shins
I Can't breathe ... I feel my Heart Seize
Have I gone to Hell for my Sins? No, now I see them, those Malevolent Twins ...
~
"Hello"
"We're terribly sorry if we Gave you a Fright"
"I'm Frank"
"And I'm Alan ... We'll be your Rapists Tonight"
As Whiskers watched, Molly tried to Kick n Scream
Alan Whistled Away as he Pissed in her Face
Frankie ran his Stiffened Meat, all along her Blistered Feet
A climactic Crescendo - Then Flowed; a handsome Torrent of Juice
Frankies ballsack looked liked a Tropical Fruit
Out comes the knife - "and when you're buried ... me and Alan are Robbing your Tomb"
~
I'd like to end this story with a Real Nice Twist
But you Need to Know That -
they're out there, with Lethal Gonads ...
... Sleep Tight Kids!!!