[Certain]

This was OK. The rhymes were plentiful, but they felt formulaic. The commas got in the way of smoothness. Commas are not meant to indicate pauses; they are used to break up thoughts and lists and phrases. The glut of them in this verse made it more difficult to read. Trust your readers to pick up rhymes on their own. Most of us aren't idiots, and fuck the ones who are.

The content was really vague. You had a few interesting visual concepts but never actually bothered discussing the woman herself, instead focusing on clichés and metaphors. That made the entire piece feel generic.

Others are right that it's a nice change of pace to read a happy verse. But the reason most art is more dissonant is because it's more interesting. You have to work hard to make a happy story seem as interesting as a sad or angry one, focusing on the original and unique aspects of the story.