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Old 07-27-2013, 06:04 PM   #10
PancakeBrah
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"The genetic make up of a woman;
You gotta wear make up to be a woman; misled.
But the urge to be accepted leaves em sparkly and colored instead.
Is the powders and brushes there to cover the touches of God?
Is an imperfection really imperfect?"

Best section of the piece.

Are you religious? I'm not. But the use of Eve as the entire premise for the piece (and it is) still works despite religious affiliation. We all know the story, the validity is inconsequential. Many of the thoughts and ideas in this piece are not original, almost entirely because it takes a true stroke of genius to write on this subject, with this take, and not be rehashing points that have been made long ago thousands and thousands of times. So all I can do here is operate my critique in terms of how well you re-stated the cliche. There are instances in this piece where the wording made a dull thought shine again, such as the above quote. Others, it was more of what I've heard before. Although I disagree with putting the pussy on a pedestal and think you're a white knight right now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy reading this. Obviously poetry, I think some wording and ideas were to bluntly put for the format. I prefer my poetry a little softer around the edges and drunk. But there were more highlights than lows. There's no in depth critique in terms of subject I can offer because most of this was straightforward, and any metaphors were just surface. I'd enjoy a little more depth next time, but again, this was enjoyable.

Look forward to more.
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