[PancakeBrah]

Nice quote to start the piece. I've never read it because I'm an illiterate honky but very nice.

"Fear debilitates the young, death comes swiftest for the old
Inflicting traumatizing agony on the most innocent of souls
Once man hits logistic codes, our doomed image is foretold
as young Aisha is forced to make the pilgrimage alone"

First line sets the piece nicely. Second line was sophomoric from a writer of your capability. 'traumatizing' and 'most' adjectives were there to make a point but usually you word your thoughts more uniquely and less bluntly for better results. Third line was ok, and the fourth was great. Introduced a character as a plot device to highlight simple humanity against the forces of debauched militarism you're essentially railing against in this piece as a whole. You didn't start the piece with her name, instead you set it up with a sort of preamble then hit the reader with a bit of personality.

"meanwhile, in Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota, history would show
Moscow was in the crosshairs, St. Petersberg missiles would compose
A death orchestra…with the movie “It” playing in the foreground
only this time there wouldn’t only be Asians in the morgue count
beyond a Jericho plague, hazardous flames aimed at very close range"

Shout out to the homies at Minot. I don't know shit about shit and I'm sure your historical points are correct, but even so the beginning of this section worked well in giving the piece scope. Also highlighted the aforementioned 'Aisha''s unfair insignificance. Aisha as a representative for the majority of innocent bystanders. I've never seen "It" so that allusion is lost on me. Nice rhyme, I suppose. The last line is the direct opposite of my complaint of your previous use of adjectives. Usually the use of 'very' is a tool for weak writers to try emphasis a point without actually saying anything more at all, but this 'very' worked in conjunction with the Aisha device. 'Very close', close to home and personal. Exceptional stuff.

"The dark tower looms over Stalingrad…these were heavy times…
on propaganda pamphlets, you could see the concern in Lenin’s eyes
The burning sherry pines were a sermon to the surgeon -- Pennywise"

The bold part was the best so far. 'Burning sherry pines' is such a distinct image, one that a reader can place if they have any sort of past reference with the subject matter. Perfectly described and concise. As a bonus, the rhyme scheme here is back to your usual top-tier mechanics. Up to this point this piece had a decidedly dressed down approach to rhyming. While not basic, you definitely dropped your usual style for a more concise and content-oriented approach. But this section mixed both well and really gave the piece momentum.

"Americans and their democracy spreading; the motto was cocky"

I liked this as well. A sarcastic and scathing analogy.

"Calling us commie’s, guns blazing"

The 'us' confused me in terms of writing perspective? Up to this point any reference to a character was Aisha from a third-person point of view and this hasn't read as if you were speaking. I default to the writer knowing what they are doing when I read an open mic but this left me slightly confused.

"Navy carrier breakfast on the go, hands beating on misshapen walls"

Nicely worded imagery. Describing simple actions that occur that people barely even register as actions and planting them as a perfect relatable images in the reader's mind gives the piece authenticity. Harder to do than people think and well done here.

"The Pentagon assumed the murky air of a Stephen King screenplay
Officials took a Stand on WOMD, dazed, unable to Carrie the burden"

Torn on this one. Thinking in terms of punchlines, which this essentially is, I think this would have been slicker if you just typed carry as it would normal be used in the second line and had confidence that the reader would pick up on the allusion. Also, this continues the female theme of the piece (Aisha/Anne Franke/Carrie).

"Secretaries of state don’t give a damn where Petkovic Cemetery is placed"

Another great line highlighting the dichotomy between aggressive global action and the simple innocence that's ignored when carrying it out. Runs along the same thread as the Aisha idea.

"Soft red locks of hair, blue jeans, leather boots, rough yet laced
Subtext A, she planned on surviving radiation, keeping it for months at bay
Plan B, she’d brought a razorblade & a bottle of poison just incase
A young girl who was helpless amidst this God-wrath
Anxiety did a hit series on her, inappropriate for television broadcasts"

A strong end to the piece. You set up the character in the beginning and then left her to set up your commentary. The deft way in which you created the character without having to go overboard on her personality or history is a credit to you. God-wrath is a good descriptor. The ending metaphor wasn't corny at all and well worded. Serious pieces of writing that end in a metaphor run the risk of demeaning the entire piece, and I've read a few open mics recently that fell prey to that, but this was handled well.

Overall, this was refreshing. For one, this was a slightly different style of writing than I am accustomed to from you. The lines were shorter, more concise, and supreme technical ability in terms of rhyming were given a backseat to a more free flowing type of topical analysis. Not to say the technical prowess didn't peak through here and there, which it did, but I never got the feeling that this was a menagerie of pretty imagery and unparalleled multi's that I sometimes get when reading your pieces. As far as the subject matter, I often feel a bit of distaste when reading you but only because I feel our political and social positions are askew. But here you handled the atrocity of lost innocence for a so called 'greater' geo-political cause with real humanity. You obviously disagree with the tactics and ideas brought forth by the bombers but for a truly altruistic reason. One last point of strength I'd like to touch on is the fact it's evident that when you write a piece like this, which is often if not always, you have a clear theme, message, and point to impart. Almost every line touches on it in some way and the laser focus proliferates through beautiful use of language. When I write I just start with an idea and flow through random sentences I think attach to it while completely focused on rhyming. I'm a bit jealous of the approach and tenacity.

Good read.