I agree with certain
not a typical topical verse bc there is no central theme or topic, but u utilized the challenge and did so well... I enjoyed the alliteration in the first half (didn't like lasting lonely it just don't sound right) besides that tho I felt it to be done well. The latter half of the verse qas more flex geared, u can tell w the change of tense, but although not as 'artful' with devices I liked ur word choice (cerebrus leverage/cerebral hemorrhage) improved Imo. Flow was also clean throughout. So yeah good use of c, l solid flow n some pretty cool concept at points (some not so much like felt altogether out of place to me ie: hushed lisp) and lots of nice literary devices. I would say tho a theme or topical would have gave this more direction, and attention should b paid to tenses for continuity sake. Overall tho this read clean n was enjoyable.
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