Flo....Half your shit didn't even rhyme on the end of your lines....This is a big no-no....for me neways...Lines were pretty stretched especially for not having a good amount of inner rhymes/multis
Story....At least your ending words rhymed....some attempts at multis but none that I was really feeling or would call true...Overall ima have to say you had the better of the two verses....a lot easier to read anyway
V/Storyteller
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