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07-26-2013, 08:45 PM

@Adonis

alright first off dope verse, i was feeling how u juxtoposed sht, and also ur word choice was nice af. Flow was smooth n effortless and content maintained the same direction throughout. Easy clean read. now the only negatives i picked up on (to me) were, alot of time when u went to use the challenge u didn't do it consecutively, but with a conjunction or another word breaking them up, but u did do it correct a few times. Only other small thing was u go from 3rd person, to second person, to first person, then back to 3rd person. Now u do it in a way where its acceptable bc of its spacing and how it reads, but it would probably read a bit cleaner if u just kept the same tense imo.

Solid verse though, i did enjoy it.

07-26-2013, 08:45 PM	#11
Rawn M.D. Guest Posts: n/a	@Adonis alright first off dope verse, i was feeling how u juxtoposed sht, and also ur word choice was nice af. Flow was smooth n effortless and content maintained the same direction throughout. Easy clean read. now the only negatives i picked up on (to me) were, alot of time when u went to use the challenge u didn't do it consecutively, but with a conjunction or another word breaking them up, but u did do it correct a few times. Only other small thing was u go from 3rd person, to second person, to first person, then back to 3rd person. Now u do it in a way where its acceptable bc of its spacing and how it reads, but it would probably read a bit cleaner if u just kept the same tense imo. Solid verse though, i did enjoy it.