Some of your wording is interesting, but most of it is lost amid the rhyme scheme. The same could be said by the content. Part of the problem may be the vagueness of the topic choice. An acid trip is one of those things that seems interesting to write about, but there's a reason the druggier psychedelic music of the 1960s and 1970s doesn't stand up lyrically very well. It's all about the sound, taking listeners into the experience aurally.
That said, the rhyme scheme was good. And I know the free association was intentional. I would like to see what you could do with a more confined topic.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
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