6 am
 

trace sidewalks alive, skies a spotless cerulean blue.
then watch the chalk melt in tomorrow's ensuing deluge.
you cant accept life and death and refute the impermanent,
but you can ride through the loops with a stoop for a firmament.
rails are steps in a slide off the counter, crash into miserable,
abstract and cynical. distraction pinnacle- you'd have reworded it.
that's the Split Eight steez, and in complete seriousness-
welcome, and stay please, he's not paid to make these appearances
at the attention deficit, ten-eighty HD experience.
so, it's hard to believe this is stream of consciousness
cause it's hard for me to scheme through a phonics list,
and it's hard to meet the Dean, off a college list,
so I sneak into receptions and drink through the vodka fifth.
"if you think you conjure it"- Mr Rogers with a ouija board,
I'd have never guessed beneath the vintage cardigans
sleeped an armored demon lord, but he hints at all the symptoms
and to me it's pretty obvious. Living large again,
Scotch and sardines, literally off a hundred ten dollars a week.
I spring for seconds on ramen and my coffers would squeak.
I'm that on poverty, b. Wore a watch with dead battery,
til the time a Professor gets to askin me,
but I (think) I didn't skip half a beat-
and I told him, get a watch you fucking fragile old freak.

I'm attachment. Untrue. Arc, tangential character plots.
Creased in the cracks of shoes, stopped, like a meandering paradox.
Stamped into the barren earth, a stake to the neighboring deed.
Nail ninety-five plagiarized theses with felt tip to cloth,
savor the fraying of meaning as it melts in the wash

Not bad for .... What ever it is...

I'd have never guessed beneath the vintage cardigans
sleeped an armored demon lord, but he hints at all the symptoms
and to me it's pretty obvious. Living large again,
Scotch and sardines, literally off a hundred ten dollars a week.
I spring for seconds on ramen and my coffers would squeak.
I'm that on poverty, b. Wore a watch with dead battery
til the time a Professor gets to askin me,
but I (think) I didn't skip half a beat-
and I told him, get a watch you fucking fragile old freak.

I'm really feeling this drop. It's just the right amount of wit, inanity and realness to bring this together for my heavily ADHD laden mind. I like how you set it up and I'm feeling poor college swag here, I can definitely relate to that. No constructive criticism from me cuz I don't think I can do any better.

Keep dropping and I'll keep reading.

first couplet was nice. very suburban, if you get my drift.

you cant accept life and death and refute the impermanent,
but you can ride through the loops with a stoop for a firmament
- this was more cityscape. you're juxtaposition game is strong here. higher, divine and the lowly township architecture of man. my back porch was once my crystal ballroom, meeting grounds, kissing moon. everything.

you'd have reworded it.
that's the Split Eight steez, and in complete seriousness-

lol

i like the 3rd wall distortion

Scotch and sardines, literally off a hundred ten dollars a week.

sounds like the white man's nigger rich. great.

there was a bit of a fizzle as far as your actual content was concerned. like you reached the end of a rope and began anew.

the second segment was cool. i never faired well in any trig classes but i can dig your reference.

Nail ninety-five plagiarized theses with felt tip to cloth,
savor the fraying of meaning as it melts in the wash

this made me think of all the derivative research articles that have been forced down my throat. but we all start somewhere i suppose. no idea's original? idk


thanks for the read and i am all aboard on the collab tip

1

""if you think you conjure it"- Mr Rogers with a ouija board,
I'd have never guessed beneath the vintage cardigans
sleeped an armored demon lord"

kek

"crash into miserable,
abstract and cynical. distraction pinnacle- you'd have reworded it.
that's the Split Eight steez, and in complete seriousness-
welcome, and stay please, he's not paid to make these appearances
at the attention deficit, ten-eighty HD experience."

dope, dude

This was cool. Different from your usual style. Although you've written like this before, and have a few styles under your belt. But this was definitely a different structure, with an emphasis on longer rhymes and less syncopation. Probably using that word wrong but whatever. A lot less dashes and semi-colons! You get what I'm saying. I also liked the opener. I can't really recall the last braggadocious type piece. This wasn't really THAT, but had more of that slant to it, definitely. The 'watch' run-on thought was cool, clever. I think I do prefer the more 'Split Eight' style writing but this was good, and kind of refreshing for a change of pace. Your knack for vocab was there, not overused but strong nonetheless, which is what is preferred.

Thanks for the read.