Netcees - No Strings Attached

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- Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)

- - No Strings Attached (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=97958)

No Strings Attached

No Strings Attached

http://www.blckdmnds.com/wp-content/...-morski-11.jpg

It was such a shame to see him go in that way,
his subtle frame must have been broken with age.
He would float on the stage while singing most nights
to the folk that awaited, yet he didn’t know why.
He continued despite having ailments aplenty,
bringing delight though it pained him immensely.

Deflated and empty but his shoulders were tough
the weight was too heavy, but he rolled with the punch.
Heart racing with envy, til he opened it up
wavy and friendly, knowing the show was a must.

But his role was a front, each performance a ruse,
he didn’t like goading the public – it was all that he knew!
Yet applause is of futile consolation to a man
who feels awkwardly rooted to the stage on which he stands.

He played into their hands, each fumble or kick,
raising all the stands with sudden upswings
made the people laugh, from up and coming
felt as rough as those limbs, though wouldn't speak at all
had supple hard lips, but couldn’t even talk
he tugged at our strings, but it was his being pulled.

He struggled with the thought his whole act was a farce,
and presumption his support only came attached to his arms.
That’s when he started to realise whoever controlled his commands
had mastered the art of propping him up, while holding him back.
He noticed the cracked paint set to his skin
which unknowingly anchored a perpetual grin.

The legs were all chipped and started to creak,
the oppressor forced it, from arms to the feet
with less endurance, he didn't have the heart to achieve
as wet performances, washed up his scenes.

The novelty ceased in his cold wooden gaze
he wanted some freedom as all he’d known was the stage.
So he broke the constraints, and at last he was free,
but with no one holding the reigns - He collapsed in a heap.

He was scattered in pieces, then forced from the room
a stand-in was needed, as applause become boo's.
The act was completed from one he already knew
dumped and shattered as weeping was all he could do
with the audience jubilant, he smiled remembering the artist
and those notorious moves as he was swept into the darkness…

BaronMynd
MMLP

Very solid writing, you two.

The legs were all chipped and started to creak,
the oppressor forced it, from arms to the feet
with less endurance, he didn't have the heart to achieve
as wet performances, washed up his scenes.

The novelty ceased in his cold wooden gaze
he wanted some freedom as all he’d known was the stage.
So he broke the constraints, and at last he was free,
but with no one holding the reigns - He collapsed in a heap.
^These parts were sick.

Overall, no real complaints about it. It was well rounded writing and I see that MMLP can keep up with Lars' rhyme schemes, which is impressive. It was a complete piece.

Keep doing you

This was two people?

A lot of the rhyming seemed so effortless... those are always the best reads.

Quote:

he tugged at our strings, but it was his being pulled.

That's a fantastic line.

Quote:

That’s when he started to realise whoever controlled his commands
had mastered the art of propping him up, while holding him back.

Again.. holy fuck. Super slick.

This was pretty close to perfect. I have rarely seen anyone be able to create such empathy for a character as here. I was actually sad for the poor dude, lmao. The phrasing, the rhyming, the story, the emotion.. everything was bang on. Great read, thank you.

Much respect. This was wrote by my boy @MMLP/DrinkWhileYouThink and me. He's still relatively new so excuse him for omitting my name in the thread title haha!

He did really well here keeping up with me and my schemes, I think going 0-5 or whatever he is here knocked his confidence slightly. This was dope, though. I liked how it turned out. I'm still unsure if Americans have Punch and Judy shows to get the roll with the punch line, but this has probably your best work yet.

I picked to tag with you for a reason.

You didn't disappoint.

This was dope as fu k tbh

my personal favourite of our collabs @sraL

this one wasn't bad either http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?p=422345

I loved this one guys. I didn't know it was two people till it actually said so. That's pretty fucking dope. I'm glad I read this and I'm taking notes.

I enjoyed this open mic, nice read after such a long time away. dope combination of 2 dope writers. sick drop

very good flows

the opening stanza is my favorite and has really cool rhyming.

rhymes throughout are v.good & innovative.

sorry the ending kinda confuses me-- smiled remembering the artist?
is he reminiscing on how it was like a "good run while it lasted"?