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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   Budapest (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=9674)

Neighbor 08-04-2013 11:57 PM

Budapest
 
My mind's a dark place, sinister like Darth Vader's image -
Heartache & bitterness, s'why I spark grape Swishers; every bar's straight vicious
It's ball game, nigga... harder than takin a shot of malt-grade vinegar
A long-range hit put you in harm's way w/ John Wayne's pistols
Turn you to farm-raised shark bait quicker than Baraka w/ his claws aimed
Stickin those sharp blades into ya scarred frame, doin his Arcade signature boss stage finisher
Your standalone idol, w/ a HAMR scope on the plasma-bolt rifle
Fuck a Swag & Flow title, I'm Captain Cold on a nandrolone cycle
Not a chance you won't die; the canonized author, I glamorize war like Samurai swords
Entranced by the gore & can't fight the glory; we strategize slaughter for campfire stories
Vampire offspring, hold a hammer like Thor & a hatchet like Voorhees...
Rapid-fire force feed you slugs in a black & white short-sleeve Polo w/ the patternized horse scheme
Carnivore, study the Art Of War daily - every harmless thought's like a horrorcore rape scene
High & wreckless, my life's directed by Martin Scorsese
Cybernetic, like Ghost in the Shell or the rifle when I load it w/ 12
Toast in the belt blow you to Hell when you catch No. 5, no Coco Chanel

Split 08-05-2013 12:01 AM

dope

BWHAHA 08-05-2013 01:06 AM

Haha! Very gewd young Zachariah Genitalia.

Iliked the patternized horse scheme, very vivid imagine, because I've definitely killed people in that warddrobe!! haha! just kidding, I haven't. But good stuff man! mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Neighbor 08-05-2013 07:14 PM

Thanks for the feed

StarFaggot 08-05-2013 07:36 PM

This was dope as far as swag and gun lines. Multis pretty much on point. Swag n flow title nandrolone cycle line was smooth.

If you return to battle scene I'll be glad to bring you to reality.

Geno 08-05-2013 09:07 PM

he just mad cause hush showed him reality first, now he wanna share it with you and shit @Neighbor

whuddup though gawd, dope flex. had some ill scheming and as you well know, them multis and gun play concepts are nuts. fucked with the ender

malt grade vinegar shit was ill as fuck to. holla

dead man 08-05-2013 09:44 PM

Turn you to farm-raised shark bait quicker than Baraka w/ his claws aimed
Stickin those sharp blades into ya scarred frame, doin his Arcade signature boss stage finisher
Your standalone idol, w/ a HAMR scope on the plasma-bolt rifle
Fuck a Swag & Flow title, I'm Captain Cold on a nandrolone cycle

had me geeked out.

you still got it in spades my killa

Word 08-06-2013 01:50 AM

Nice flow, good swag, the bars were a little long for my taste, but with a nice execution, I almost didn't notice... this some real dope shit, bro

Nigma 08-06-2013 02:00 AM

Takin 5 syllables at the end of one line and adding them to the next line does nothing but help aid the reader. if it flows it flows, line length wasnt an issue to me at all. this was dope neigh, intro was acceptable, coulda offered a little more pow, verse picked up soon after and was strongly consistent, lines black quoted were my fav, although i see a lot of street fighter based lines in these type of pieces the 'boss stage finisher' was a nice play. horrorcore rapscene/martin scorsese was a loose rhyme even for just an assonance rhyme but was a dope concept. finisher was tight too, good verse. would love to collab some time

CopyPat 08-06-2013 02:11 AM

HAHA. myyyyyyyyyyy N**** !! sick as usual. classic neigh verse. how can u not like it i mean lets be real. as a dude that goes way back i know u will appreciate the honest feed. The samuri sword and hammer of thor shit specifically ARE DEF getting old, and single handedly you have basically made them a played concept now.. lol. u do basically always do the same shit lets face it. so thats the only drawback. back i am notorious for doing that too i guess. so far as im concerned if its dope than why fuck with it. theres absolutely zero reason to not appreciate this but some probly will. You one of a few that i will genuinely be Stoked to read no matter WHAT when u post a new piece in open mic. this was straight fire from start to finish.. what else is new. i honestly didn't expect antyhing less. and if i ever DID read a piece from u that i thought was sub par that would be way more of a shock than another ridiculously dope read.


Stickin those sharp blades into ya scarred frame, doin his Arcade signature boss stage finisher

are u kidding me??? a;lsk dlsajdlsadjas mad jealous

patternized horse scheme scheme too. ur dopest schemer. haha ILL bro. much love. stay around and dropa few more gems on us
thanks

Certain 08-06-2013 04:41 AM

The middle section, from Baraka through horse scheme, and the last line were fucking ridiculous. It took me a second to dig in. That's about all the concrete criticism I have. It's tough to start one of these types of rhyme-heavy swagger verses, though. They always seem to pick up steam as they go before eventually fading.

Illume 08-06-2013 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neighbor (Post 111672)
My mind's a dark place, sinister like Darth Vader's image -
Heartache & bitterness, s'why I spark grape Swishers; every bar's straight vicious
It's ball game, nigga... harder than takin a shot of malt-grade vinegar
A long-range hit put you in harm's way w/ John Wayne's pistols
Turn you to farm-raised shark bait quicker than Baraka w/ his claws aimed
Stickin those sharp blades into ya scarred frame, doin his Arcade signature boss stage finisher
Your standalone idol, w/ a HAMR scope on the plasma-bolt rifle
Fuck a Swag & Flow title, I'm Captain Cold on a nandrolone cycle
Not a chance you won't die; the canonized author, I glamorize war like Samurai swords
Entranced by the gore & can't fight the glory; we strategize slaughter for campfire stories
Vampire offspring, hold a hammer like Thor & a hatchet like Voorhees...
Rapid-fire force feed you slugs in a black & white short-sleeve Polo w/ the patternized horse scheme
Carnivore, study the Art Of War daily - every harmless thought's like a horrorcore rape scene
High & wreckless, my life's directed by Martin Scorsese
Cybernetic, like Ghost in the Shell or the rifle when I load it w/ 12
Toast in the belt blow you to Hell when you catch No. 5, no Coco Chanel

This flow was awesome but for me, the awesome of the afrual content ended at the 'plasma bolt rifle' line. It felt like you were describin the difficulties of life in general. An 'against the odds' type of observation, written in your own words. And I thought in that respect, the mentioned section is one of the best Ive ever read. It's relateable and full of imagery. But that deepness wrapped up in imagery that we all get (the console game metaphors, the whole shot of malt whiskey thing) didn't gel with the latter half of the piece, personally. Because you went on to directly talk about yourself bein a pinnacle of all that stuff. It descended from somethin steangely profound, in its own way, into you sayin 'I'm the guy that makes this tough shit happen'. And the brag thing has been done to death, for me. Nobody is that bad, dude.

PancakeBrah 08-06-2013 12:25 PM

Dope. The best flex/swag piece of this month if were excluding bwhahas alien tourettes verse. The openers were solid but the baraka scheme was nuts and the piece didn't let up at all after that. That bar aka scheme, the patternized horse scheme, nandralone, and the closer were all 10/10 scheme wise. Read this 3-4 times just breaking down schemes. Good to see you drop a piece.

Wise Wiggles 08-06-2013 12:54 PM

cool

Neighbor 08-06-2013 02:50 PM

Fuckin Wise lol

Leave links if you want feed

Wise Wiggles 08-06-2013 02:54 PM

liked last couplet the best

Brian Bryan 08-07-2013 10:26 AM

I glamorize war like Samurai swords

sickness

reminded me of that 'studied the Art of war blueprint like a Havard law student' verse from NC v.1 in parts, but still fresh with it

Captain Cold and nandrolone was perfect too

good to see you back, Mal, stick around! <3

Pakistani Hand Cannon 08-22-2013 11:31 AM

Quote:

Your standalone idol, w/ a HAMR scope on the plasma-bolt rifle
Fuck a Swag & Flow title, I'm Captain Cold on a nandrolone cycle
Not a chance you won't die; the canonized author, I glamorize war like Samurai swords
yeeeuuuh that shit was tough...didnt like the line after (slaughter for campfire stories) hence why i cut tha quote there...

whole drop was pretty raw though...i liked this shit

#1

Darth Yoda 08-22-2013 04:37 PM

So @Rugged you made fun of @CopyPat for mentioning guns and using multies, but you like this? Interesting.

Neighbor 08-23-2013 12:52 AM

NO GUNS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS OPEN MIC


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