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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   cant fuck wit me (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=9575)

YDK 08-02-2013 04:35 AM

cant fuck wit me
 
A single shoe and a pair of socks
Paraphrasing a paradox,
subliminal signals hidden by parental locks.
Conventional wisdom says that those senses are dead,
System malfunction; now the symptoms have spread.
Creating a matrix thats infecting the nameless
See I've perfected the basics,
Hurdled the bar and then raised it,
Checked all the traits lists; erased it
Fucked your bitch, left her pasted
An walked past you in the hallway saying "congrats on the rape kid."
I get down ta business rockafella's rocking my jams,
Wocka flockas fans couldn't dance so now they jockin my stance.
Your technique is horse an carriage mine is a rocket; advanced,
But I don't need ta rap to make up for the cock in my pants.
See I'm cockin back an talkin smack, I'm lifted yeah I'm blown
Check your tracks that shit is wack you ain't gifted as I've shown.
Woah
Im gettin it spittin shit to the bitches you sittin with
Forgettin tricks, hittin licks, makin makin dough while you kickin bricks
Quit the shit!
You just wishin I'm finished, visions of different opinions,
But i'll fuck ya world up quicker than Chris Hanson in the kitchen bitch!

Albert Rhymestein 08-03-2013 04:28 AM

cool

Mike Wrecka 08-03-2013 12:03 PM

ya this was a cool piece. it looked simple with the super short bars but you did a lot with them. paraphrasing a paradox, that shit sounds cool as hell. your a good writer, ive read some of your stuff and always dug it. you should join the writers challenge league.

good drop

YDK 08-03-2013 11:11 PM

Thanks man if I had more time id def sign up but I figure id prolly noshow way too much tbh lol

YDK 08-04-2013 11:55 PM

Any vet feed?

BWHAHA 08-05-2013 01:07 AM

That's mean. Don't hurdle bars then raise it, you just don't want people to match you. Jerk. NExt line was very awkward!!!!!!! but twisted. i like twisted stuff. am i a vet??

Word 08-06-2013 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YDK (Post 111667)
Any vet feed?

I'm only a Junior Member but I'll feed you none-the-less... been a year since I've read anything of yours and I see you aint changed much... a little bit more twisted though... loved the flow, but thought the subject matter was kind of cliche... but I really liked the beginning:
"Paraphrasing a paradox,
subliminal signals hidden by parental locks."

those lines really grabbed me, I was like... wow! nice.

The rest, though nice in the flow department kinda struck me as mediocre in the imagery and execution.... started with a bang, but kinda ended with a whimper... but still pretty fun to read :)

YDK 08-06-2013 03:14 AM

Thanks man @Word its great to see you around again bro, you should peep my last piece called cliff jumping if you wanna see if/how I improved on the usual style you raised me with lol


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