NEVERMIND
 

i cannot give a fuck. i'll write what i want
take a stab at the hatchet and give the rifle a shot
let me burrow through your barriers like mice in a crop
Feynman and Kant. skimmed over dinner menu wine and croissants
iron giant half-inactive, disassembled for stock
whenever people feel mechanical i'm silent a lot
sometimes more subtle than not. Alpha wave Omega goodbye
most wanted re: collaborations, dead or alive
rhyme measure refined. Art Deco architect when stenciling lines
my medicine's barbiturate, my pencil is pine
driven towards expression i could never resign
i'll sever everything to save this little treasure of mine
anti-anxiety the ventilation, dust in the wind
i pissed away the juice and now there's nothing but gin
go let your company in. sink into stupor, recline
i've shared too much to realize this tumor's benign
words are casted shadows of the truth in design
but numbers always bothered me. i'm used to the lies
soothsayer sonic giga-wattage futurist-minded
slow mutant huffing fuselage accusing the pilot
Nazi General ISIS. another suicide confused as a mission
casualties, a study of the human condition
allow the stupor to sink. now make a stupid decision
they sent a letter. nevermind, this tumor's malignant





DEADMAN

words are casted shadows of the truth in design
but numbers always bothered me. i'm used to the lies

Goddamnit. Will be back later for more of a response.

YES!!!!

illtronics

more angst, more realness and less reflection.
real dope

Repped for slow mutant reference word slinger.

awesome read.

flow was perfection

makes me feel dumb. makes me jealous.
makes me wish that this wasnt on the internet and I could own it, just me

i do not aim with my eye [...] i aim with my mind.

this was killer btw. i'll be back.

This was my favorite piece from you in awhile.

Shit was cash yamean

Fresh

ya

Those were my favorite lines.

This was a good read, and I'm not going to begin criticizing on structure, format, and content.

One thing I will say is, I wish that more people posted positivity engulfed in their lines... on this forum, in general (not saying your post was too negative, I am giving you a "Pos'd" for this).

this was nice my dude. some parts were a little basic where i felt you could've worded things better and had better wordplay, but overall this was a nice drop. stay up.

Oh really ok sweet thanks you!!!!!

Stay up.

'cause Freddy Kruger.

lol

>asks for feed
>obscurely yet apparently patronizes an obvious noob for thinking differently than people who nibble on your peen
>others chime in after op'er
>both of them feel oppressed and sigh/laugh at societys current state measure
>both will probably respond to this haphazardly, or not at all
>i will be considered patronizing for pointing this out
>society
>repeat

i agree. my problem with most of his writing is that it's basic in its schemes. Dont get me wrong, dead-man can rhyme and he can do it well, I just feel he uses no combination of wording and takes advantage of syllables to do something that isn't expected. most people take my advice as very unneeded because its usually harsh or roundabout. but it's actually direct, but im nto trying to hurt feelings because i come off as condescending, but i could care less as time passes on. is his writing predictable? of course not, but, at times it is. I don't think anybodys writing should be predictable - even when it is intentionally. better writers usually use that to their advantage. predictability is a huge tangible in many things in life, and judgment is its alter ego. it's fascinating, but the only time where a more intricate scheme was taking place was in the fuselage line. everything else, was well, pretty basic in our realm of advanced rhyming, lol. yes, it's advanced and many people can't do it. but it's just basic. im writing in the advanced option screen on my computer, and i can't be bothered to go back and pinpoint/quote, but ive said this many times. it's just what you do, you rhyme a bigger word, and use a same rhyme for that word. it seems simplistic to me -but at a higher level. I usually feel i provide the harshest feedback for you -and i also think you might think it's because of some sort of angst against you, but it isn't that. You are probably of ten writers on here that have ability that i would click on something you write. ten. that is a number i made up, but i think it's ten. i may go on a tangent here, but bare with me, these ten writers, starting with you, and not exclusively entertaining any parts of my writing coalition (means im not including them) would be, meaning if i saw them post in the om with a slightly intriguing title: zygote, certain, pancake, split, copypat, johnathan mercy, neighbor, figgles/figurative, oats and im having a mighty hard time coming up with an eleventh. I guess any good writer will do, but the frank/vulgar/lars of the writing realm don't really interest me, yes they have good metaphorical writing, (excluding lars in this context) but i dont think they show a wielding ability in mechanics. personally i feel unthreatened in any ability to weave a verse with poetic style by any of these writers. i use the word unthreatened as a equative stance on 'impressive'. they rarely impress me mechanically, and of those writers, only zygote shows a vivid excellence and an array of wide skill range. copypat, and mercy also wield this, and certain/pancake/split seem to be on an even keel. I'd place you inbetween the former and the latter groups. The reason for this, may be your consistent knack of similar writing, and that comes with your style - completely understandable, but being basic is hardly the insult. Being basic is essential. Not basic in the urban use coffee lattee starbucks sense pumpkin spice bullshit buzzfeed. I meant, basic as in the basics. Without the basics, no writer is good- no writer can prosper, no writer is- well a writer. im sorry. no writer can be good without the basics, they're just essential. and at times in the AP of writing your rhyming and wording, transposed by your lucrative style of thinking only foolishly seems to enhance it, when it doesn't. if i break it down without the subtle and obvious opaque imagery you fuse with slick phrasing. there's nothing really impressive in the way you weave things, (mechanically) aside from the fuselage couplet mentioned before. is it easy to do? nope. am i knocking you? yeah, probably. it's formulaic. neighbor has one of the most formulaic writing around but it's erratic in the way stuff is woven. (using him as a primary example of someone with a similar writing style, not in context, but in way they formulate verses) i would really like for him and others to fool around with other parts of writing, rather than just topicals, or battling. though i do think your writing is more universal and aims at a wider audience than 99% of the writing on here. i just believe you can take advice from people who aren't even in the same breath as you. if you're not aiming to get better, then that's fine, but i try to satisfy a wide array of audiences at all times.


this was good tho