Netcees - Nev vs. Dope - NEV WINS BY KO

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- - Nev vs. Dope - NEV WINS BY KO (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=9164)

Nev vs. Dope - NEV WINS BY KO

Lets get acquainted you bring the drama ill introduce you to pain...
Got em itchin to take a shot, like a dog with flees proceed to scratch off this lame..
So this L cuts deep...im out to hurt feeling pinching nerves aint enough...
Cut down the beef godda diet to die for .. you lunch
So sad its tragic...picture me losing to this faggot...
Born a man kick him in the closet lock him in..
No second chance at life this is where ya hell begin..
Wipe the smile off ya face when i knock it off ya chin..
Like who next this a breeze bruh ..all i do win...
Dope at it again bring your existence to a end

You agreed to 30 mins right? Guess i cant complain im 2mins late...

Bruh im using a cellphone to type its well over 30...cmon 10bars???

Yea my bad some shit came up.

This Little faggot flames until there's nothing left
Your'e tryna get in the game but it's sudden death
You dropped first, I'm suprised you had the balls to rap
Under pressure you snap like the man infront of the quaterback
No need to respond or talk, it's over
I'll roll up on your block like a G, you roll up on a block like chauffer
In my life never have I heard a worse sound
You rapping is like a fat kid it won't work out
I got steel to hit up you tired bums
THe only steel you have is when I leave you in the iron lung

Painful stuff

Neither of you have a grip on your shit

Just for the better attempts I will vote the nev kid

Whatever you agreed 30 and was logged in all day gtfoh im not fuckin with you

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dope (Post 103109)

Lets get acquainted you bring the drama ill introduce you to pain...
Got em itchin to take a shot, like a dog with flees proceed to scratch off this lame..
first off, welcome to text. I can tell you're new because this whole verse reads like a live battle. its not necessarily a bad thing, but there's a pretty significant distinction. basically, the standard battle formula is 'setup related to punch'-'punchline containing flip'. here, you had a flip in scratch like a dog with flees, but the way it was set up was poor - it was entirely unrelated and addressed your opponent in the second person while your punch was in the third. little technical things like that can take a lot away from bar. the concept here was incredibly basic and would need either an added layer of complexity or to be worded incredibly well to hit. a basic tip for wording is to think of it like a joke - the 'flip' is the wordplay that its centered around and its more effective when placed at the end. so something like

beat me? no chance. this lames got the wrong steez
i'll scratch off this pest w/out thinkin bout it like a dog with fleas

notice how:
-the first line is focused on setting up the punch
-the punchline has an added layer of complexity ('without thinkin bout it' which is weak but keyed)
-the flip is placed more effectively

So this L cuts deep...im out to hurt feeling pinching nerves aint enough...
Cut down the beef godda diet to die for .. you lunch
the beef/food connection is incredibly played - and you basically did everything that the first bar was lacking
So sad its tragic...picture me losing to this faggot...
Born a man kick him in the closet lock him in..
No second chance at life this is where ya hell begin..
Wipe the smile off ya face when i knock it off ya chin..
Like who next this a breeze bruh ..all i do win...
Dope at it again bring your existence to a end
this section was just a bunch of freestyle-sounding statements. check the 101 section, summer classic and older nbl matches for a better sense of how to structure verses

@Nev - basically the entire verse was the same. in general, it seems like youre wording like you would a verse, which isnt bad but it basically means theres a lot of unused space - to really do some damage you need to do expand on concepts a lot, whereas your whole style was kind of basic. you have a grasp on it, but theres plenty of fine tuning and that comes with reading good battles and time/practice.

also watch out for little thingslike how in the first bar, first line you're addressing him in 3rd person. second line youre in second. things like that can take away from a punch.

but yeah, nev had a much clearer grasp on how to do text, so he was able to do more damage.

v/nev

@Sharp thanx for insight i do approach text as a battle style but will definitely take what you said in accouny

Dope you going at him in a harsh manner but your not throwing any punches...I like the aggressiveness but you have to be witty

Nev you were about in the same boat except you threw punches, they were just really weak

Im have to go Nev just for at least throwin something

V/Nev