The Trial of Rawnold McDawnold the Shark Whisperer
 

HEAR YE HEAR YE!

COURT IS IN ORDER

PLEASE STAND

YOU ARE CHARGED WITH THE FOLLOWING....

- OPERATION OF A STOLEN LEAF BLOWER IN A DOMESTIC DWELLING

- SEXUAL ASSAULT OF A LEAF BLOWER

- USING A STOLEN AIR COMPRESSOR TO FILL THE TIRES OF YOUR 91 CIVIC TO ESCAPE THE DANGEROUS GRASP OF A 12 YEAR OLD GOOD SAMARITAN

- LYING UNDER OATH

- BREAKING THE SOUND BARRIER VIA OPENING A PRINGLES CAN

- RESISTING CITIZEN ARREST

- ILLEGAL HAIRLINE

- SIDESHOWBOB UPDOO WITHOUT CONSENT OF COPYRIGHT HOLDER

THE PROSECUTION WILL BRING UP ANY FURTHER CHARGES

PLEASE BE SEATED FOR OPENING STATEMENTS

kuck remove my govt

No worries, your public defender has arrived, hello all

HOW DOES THE DEFENDANT PLEAD?

Fuckinn leaned at al sharkton hahahah

Not Guilty due to insanity/Pseudologia fantastica

Good day Judge.

Al sharkton ..thats funny as fuck lmao

ron I think its time to book some plane tickets on some str8 up
home invasion shit..

Welcome ladies and gentleman.

Let me tell you about this HEATHEN..

A true monster, empty and emotionless at the core..

A menace on the streets..

The defense is going to tell you he is a victim of his own mind..

That he didn't know what he was doing..

I'm here to tell you he DID indeed.. On that night in Boca Raton... The chase in West Palm.. He is a multiple offender and a burden to our society. He will not stop until a needle is put in his arm. Do not let the defense cloud your vision with tales of hardships and shark attacks. He is gutless, a sociopath and a mad man.

The Prosecution is going for the death penalty.

ACCORDING TO THE MOST VILLAINOUS BOCA RANTON POLICE THE FOLLOWING OCCURRED;

"The first crime occurred on Friday, March 9 at 73** Rosewood Circle. The caller told Boca Raton Police officers that she saw an unknown male walking out of her father’s open garage carrying an unknown object. She told her father and her husband, who followed the suspect until he got into a white Honda. The husband and father continued to follow the suspect as he drove north on I-95. At one point the suspect pulled off of the road and they confronted the suspect. After a brief exchange, the suspect drove off and the husband and father returned home and discovered that a number of power tools were stolen.

The officer did a computer check on the tag the victim had provided and found the Honda was registered to RETRACTED. Detectives showed the victims a photo line-up and they were able to identify RETRACTED as the person in their garage.

Two days later another caller reported seeing an unknown male, later identified as RETRACTED, leaving her father’s open garage at 3** Cottonwood Lane. The victim confronted RETRACTED, who was carrying a leaf blower, wake board, and air compressor. RETRACTED walked away and got into the same white Honda. A responding officer saw the car heading south on NW 2nd Avenue and attempted to pull it over. However, the driver made several evasive maneuvers before officers stopped him in a parking lot on West Yamato Road.

Officers identified RETRACTED as the driver and the victim was brought to their location and identified RETRACTED as the suspect seen outside his home. When officers searched RETRACTED’s car, they found several pawn slips and drug paraphernalia. Officers charged RETRACTED with two counts of burglary, one count each of fleeing and eluding an officer, driving with a suspended license, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Additional charges may be forthcoming."

Public Service Announcement from BocaNewsNow.com: Chasing a thief is probably not the smartest idea, especially on I-95 — we don’t want to be reporting on anything happening to you. “Stuff” is replaceable. However, a big “nice job” to the homeowners who chased RETRACTED and obtained enough information to let the police do what they do best.

NOW WE TAKE ISSUE WITH SEVERAL OF THE FOLLOWING. IN THE PRECEDING TRIAL OF RAWN NO CLEAR VERDICT WAS REACHED. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN HE WAS OF MODEST DEMEANOR SITTING QUIETLY IN HIS ROOM WEARING LITTLE COTTON GLOVES WHILE TYPING AWAY ON NETCEES.COM SO AS TO NOT BREAK PAROLE CONDITIONS. APART FROM ONE OR TWO CLAIMS OF RESUME WRITING AND ALLIGATOR WRESTLING, ALL WAS FINE AND HE WAS CONTRIBUTING MORE OR LESS AT A TOLERABLE LEVEL. NOW THESE INSTIGATORS SUCH AS GARFUNKEL GARDENFLOW, BAGSWROTH BENTLEY AND THE SO CALLED OFFICIAL TRANSLATOR ARE AGGRAVATING RAWN. THEREFORE, DISCOUNT ANY OF RAWNS COMMENTS HEREIN AS THEY ARE ONLY MADE AS A RESULT OF THIS AGGRAVATION.

TO CONTINUE. WE DRAW ATTENTION TO THESE SO CALLED EVASIVE MANEUVERS. THERE IS NO WAY RAWNS ACTIONS CAN MEET THE LEGAL DEFINITION FOR EVASIVE MANEUVERS WHILE IN THE POSSESSION OF A LEAFBLOWER. FOR HOW CAN A MAN SO EQUIPPED WITH TINY HANDS BOTH HOLD A LEAFBLOWER AND PREFORM EVASIVE MANEUVERS IN AN AUTOMOBILE? IT IS IMPOSSIBLE IN ALL REALITIES. TO EMPHASIZE WE HAVE THESE 10X10CM GLOVES AS EVIDENCE. IF THE GLOVES DON'T FIT YOU MUST ACQUIT! THAT IS OUR SUBMISSIONS IF IT PLEASES THE MOST HIGH COURT.

We would like to call our first witness to the stand.

Would the White Civic please enter.

Hello.

LOL

Hello sir..

Do you know this man?

http://www.pbso.org/index.cfm?/36236...5F69/index.htm

Was he there with you on the night of the Leaf Blower Scandal?

Lmfao this is ruthless

Yes, that's my owner and current occupant. I regret to say i was there when he abducted and violated the leafblower in question.

Did you at any point hear the leaf blower tell him to bring him home? Did the leaf blower consent to the events that transpired?

MASSACRE IN THE COURT

My memory's hazy, but as I recall... rawn woke up in my backseat with a different sort of fire in his eye. After his morning shower in the sink of the nearest Whole Foods supermarket, he drove to a nearby neighborhood and stopped at a house with no one visibly home. He walked in, emerged with the leafblower in question and on his way out of the garage a woman approached them. He told her that he and the leafblower were close friends who had unsorted business to work out. The leafblower said nothing out of pure fear. A few minutes into the drive away there was some audible whimpering, but never any outright requests.