Netcees - Lyfzin Shambles vs Camp Bell (S&F) [Camp Bell WINS]

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- - Lyfzin Shambles vs Camp Bell (S&F) [Camp Bell WINS] (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=89337)

Lyfzin Shambles vs Camp Bell (S&F) [Camp Bell WINS]

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Due friday midnight eastern
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@Lyfzin Shambles

With raps I continue to excel.. I do creativity well
And listen facts is u getting Cracked, for having No Liberty................................ Bell.
Precision is swell, aim perfected cave ya chest in...
Basic segment of rage with weapons.................. displayed on this slain contestant.
Angry message...
I'm a problem.. He ain't getting no fire started, with his endeavor
Now it's time..
I show 'Camp Out of his mind'.. next time try 'visioning rubbing two sticks together'.
Maybe that's what's better for this dick to b clever... I bring this guy danger
......................................... I give this fucking peasant sudden death like a tie breaker.
Trust me for a second... This is something u mustn't get in..
Break his damn leg............ I'm Giving Campaign.... like he was Running for Election.

ya writing strong when you strike a poem?

blood pumps through my cryo'd heart, son my typos might go hard
got my stripes twice by snatching the life of pi from that tigers jaws
you a vet on the netcee wave? lets see, jet ski race with tritons drawn
i'll end lyfe at the finish line, thats a dead sea grave in poseidons lawn
visually, the chemistry in my ability to enter keys is too hype for words
literally, lyfez blue sky was nice an calm til walter white met heisenberg
my threads special, i'm the next electro to this max dillon inspired nerd
obnoxious as harry osborne, breaking the bars of oscorps psycho ward
we in the dungeon wit double dragons, gambling trouble, ya dice is short
i brought hammer and spike to war, bludgeoned action, you'll die for sure

@Lyfzin Shambles

2 voting links and this gets opened

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=88958

Their ya go @Sharp Nine

Lets gt some votes.

Gamble..

Precision is swell, aim perfected cave ya chest in...
Basic segment of rage with weapons.................. displayed on this slain contestant.
Angry message...
I'm a problem.. He ain't getting no fire started, with his endeavor
Now it's time..
I show 'Camp Out of his mind'.. next time try 'visioning rubbing two sticks together'.
Maybe that's what's better for this dick to b clever... I bring this guy danger
......................................... I give this fucking peasant sudden death like a tie breaker.
Trust me for a second... This is something u mustn't get in..
Break his damn leg............ I'm Giving Campaign.... like he was Running for Election.

Campbell..

blood pumps through my cryo'd heart, son my typos might go hard
got my stripes twice by snatching the life of pi from that tigers jaws
you a vet on the netcee wave? lets see, jet ski race with tritons drawn
i'll end lyfe at the finish line, thats a dead sea grave in poseidons lawn
visually, the chemistry in my ability to enter keys is too hype for words
literally, lyfez blue sky was nice an calm til walter white met heisenberg
we in the dungeon wit double dragons, gambling trouble, ya dice is short
i brought hammer and spike to war, bludgeoned action, you'll die for sure

Soooo.. i have it 4 bars a piece, 1 miss by both. cool metaphors/nameplays in Gambles verse. while Camp dropped a nearly flawless verse. One of the better swag & flow verses ive read. opener and closer were fire

Vote-Campbell

Shambles:

With raps I continue to excel.. I do creativity well
And listen facts is u getting Cracked, for having No Liberty................................ Bell.
Precision is swell, aim perfected cave ya chest in...
Basic segment of rage with weapons.................. displayed on this slain contestant.

^ Nice opener! The multi-work and transitioning rhyme schemes are awesome, which is what I like to see almost ABUSED in swag-and-flow battles, haha. That "No Liberty" punch was ill, too.

Angry message...
I'm a problem.. He ain't getting no fire started, with his endeavor
Now it's time..
I show 'Camp Out of his mind'.. next time try 'visioning rubbing two sticks together'.

^ Wasn't feeling this section too much. Felt forced IMO. I saw the connection you were trying to make, though. Some re-wording and it could have been something dope.

Maybe that's what's better for this dick to b clever... I bring this guy danger
......................................... I give this fucking peasant sudden death like a tie breaker.

^ Clever simile. I dig it.

Trust me for a second... This is something u mustn't get in..
Break his damn leg............ I'm Giving Campaign.... like he was Running for Election.

^ Decently executed. Once again, a tweaking of the wording and this would've hit so much harder. Still a pretty cool bar, though.

Camp Bell:

blood pumps through my cryo'd heart, son my typos might go hard
got my stripes twice by snatching the life of pi from that tigers jaws
you a vet on the netcee wave? lets see, jet ski race with tritons drawn
i'll end lyfe at the finish line, thats a dead sea grave in poseidons lawn

^ Explosive opening. I'm feeling the complex rhyme schemes...it gives a very interesting, but enjoyable edge. Very nice.

visually, the chemistry in my ability to enter keys is too hype for words
literally, lyfez blue sky was nice an calm til walter white met heisenberg
we in the dungeon wit double dragons, gambling trouble, ya dice is short
i brought hammer and spike to war, bludgeoned action, you'll die for sure

^ Not much to say besides DOPE shit. Complex concepts weaved together with off-kilter rhyme-patterns. Makes for a great read...

Vote: Camp. His verse was more "Swag-and-Flow"-ish, overall. Sham seemed to take a Text Battle approach, rather than the latter. But, besides that, Camp's verse was quite an enjoyable read and sparked my interest a lot more.

Thanks fellas 0-2 Camp up

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamble (Post 387592)

With raps I continue to excel.. I do creativity well
And listen facts is u getting Cracked, for having No Liberty................................ Bell.
stop doing so many periods. this is played punch. scheme is ok need to tie in the liberty part in someway.
Precision is swell, aim perfected cave ya chest in...
Basic segment of rage with weapons.................. displayed on this slain contestant.
No content here. You're just rhyming here and nothing that stands out.
Angry message...
I'm a problem.. He ain't getting no fire started, with his endeavor
Now it's time..
I show 'Camp Out of his mind'.. next time try 'visioning rubbing two sticks together'.
lol you shouldve set this up better. this was funny as fuck tbh lol. when you diss someone in swag and flow you need to make yourself look better in the process or it doesnt work
Maybe that's what's better for this dick to b clever... I bring this guy danger
......................................... I give this fucking peasant sudden death like a tie breaker.
cool ending. again, need to tie it in better and swag it out yamean.
Trust me for a second... This is something u mustn't get in..
Break his damn leg............ I'm Giving Campaign.... like he was Running for Election.
Cool nameplay but again you need to make yourself look better when you diss in snf

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camp Bell (Post 387593)

ya writing strong when you strike a poem?

blood pumps through my cryo'd heart, son my typos might go hard
got my stripes twice by snatching the life of pi from that tigers jaws
never saw the movie but i get it.. this is cool
you a vet on the netcee wave? lets see, jet ski race with tritons drawn
i'll end lyfe at the finish line, thats a dead sea grave in poseidons lawn
cool imagery but im not feelng the concept
visually, the chemistry in my ability to enter keys is too hype for words
literally, lyfez blue sky was nice an calm til walter white met heisenberg
ehhhhh
my threads special, i'm the next electro to this max dillon inspired nerd
obnoxious as harry osborne, breaking the bars of oscorps psycho ward
semi ok
we in the dungeon wit double dragons, gambling trouble, ya dice is short
i brought hammer and spike to war, bludgeoned action, you'll die for sure
nah not feeling

Both lacked in content. Gamble had some disses but they werent worded good for snf. Both had schemes. Camp Bell had some cool idea that just came across poorly. You're trying to hard to rhyme sophisticated and should focus more on metaphors and swag and a lot less on the flow. Same with you gamble. Check out the S&F mag in the front office. The top lines in that are what you should be aiming for. I'm not trying to be harsh but you guys are active and I want you both to get better. Keep writing.

Vote - Camp

Camp Bell wins 3-0.

Lyfza Gamble 2-2-15pts
Camp Bell 0-3-0pts

Gamble: 15 -8L+6Links=13pts (You voted on championship and league battles and those are worth more please label those links in the future)
Camp Bell: 0+8W+2links=10pts