[TOPICAL] Trap vs. Split Eight - SPLIT WINS BY FORFEIT
 

House/ writer's league rules.

Topic: retribution

Due: at most 20 lines, by tonight (just basically before people start waking up tomorrow lol)
@trap

good luck!

Okay man. I should have mine done by 10 est. Heading to NYC in the morning, gotta get my old man sleep soon. Good luck to you too.

My speech retreats back into my vocal cords. I'm hopeless Lord.
Wondering if my brain can even invoke my jaws.
Total flaws. I oppose those with weaknesses. Breaching the zenith.
Plummeting down to those with equal wit.
& this is just skimming the surface. My purpose is there.
Maybe you're mistaking me for someone who cares.
I'm not who I was before. See my thoughts remain Evil.
I stain people, & sustain equals. Pain pupils & retinas.
Literally I see I got the best of ya.
You're just the next to fall. See my sinister grasp.
Never retracts & leaves you falling flat on your back.
Have you screaming uncle. You thought I was defeated.
I retreated into the essence, my presence evoked & repeated.
Let it out, it's good for the soul. A sole survivor.
Akin to the kinship, sole purpose surely MacGuyer.
Meaning all the tricks you pull with a minimal scheme.
Is just a Criminal's Dream. Everything is everything.
You need to be blessed with each step.
Believe me son, streets are steep & infested with dudes that try & test it.
But see ... even now most still ain't get the message.
You repeat wrongdoings. Lying, Sex & reap threats.
& you many have cheated them, but believe me .. you can't cheat Death.

Retribution: metered revenge, incredibly sinister-
Prescribed a placebo of resent with no intent to administer.
It's quite the regimen. Patience, patient. Synpatic silence.
Sentences stay trapped within restrained grasp of eyelids,
Hate fizzles and fades, still fate will relay no acts of violence
Yet enemies lives will unravel to the extent that mine did.
Justice is swift, vengeance is sweet, such habitual drugs.
Retribution is the debt aggressively cashed at minimal funds.
Plunger drops with a snap, forget about miserable, love..
Elysian flashbacks, resurgent doses relieve what the individual does.
In a perfect prognosis, the schedule's dumped.
Though the ingredients abstract, pestle it up.
Assuage your beliefs. Sweep your grief up under the carpet.
Axe the ashes once you've dusted the carcass, deem it catharsis.

Opened. Voting links in the near future por favor? @Split Eight @trap

lol youre a vulture

of course, ill edit them here

lol last call BA check for the night. or twin telepathy. either way i do what i do well

trap - You have a charismatic quality about your writing in the form of a dull blade. I feel like your writing style can be sharpened, especially when it comes to conveying emotion. The makings of it are there, but the definition is hard to see (even though you are a crossfit guru) It was an enjoyable write, could've been stronger.

Split - Pretty funky, I like what you did with your word usage, using a different variety that I don't usually see, like for example 'prognosis' 'pestle' and 'assuage.' I felt like you were concentrating on making a firm point from the beginning about giving the theme 'retribution' a reverberating effect. Reading it wasn't labored and I was satisfied with your use of the language.

My vote goes to Split because it held me for longer. I was engaged.

Cool work gents.

I'll get my voting links in by Monday.

ill get on this in the AM wher i live

its fucking midnight right about now fam

Phone vote so no quotes. Trap I enjoyed your verse for the most part. Content was nice. But your structure and a few forced rhymes put me off. Split I'm more inclined to enjoy a verse styled like yours. A stream of ideas on the topic in a storm of punctuation and staccato reading. Some of your concepts and alliteration was stale to me. But there was some nice language and a couple standout ideas.

I like the essence/presence/repeated line from trap. Did not enjoy 'reap threats'. Did not like sentence/eyelids from split but put 'hate fizzles', 'mine did', 'debt' and the ender as positives.

Good read. Split gets my vote

I wrote this in 2003 and tried to get away with it lol. Give the win to Split. Good job man.

Lol you dog you

Fairplay that was fire