The clothes I was raptured in
 

Draw nigh, I shall speak a dark saying, not dark as in evil, but rather, mysterious.


Study to teach….To learn to learn to teach,
to own his each that’s honed the speech,
Foe’s deceit on the code receipt,
Golden means patrolled the beach
Focus is the key to reach, locus of internal heat,
Unfolded lotus leaf exposed the goals to seek,
Eternal rotary, loaned the phone to speak.
Who’s as cold as V? Go delete those flows you think,
Disclose the link which shows the brink
And grows unique, it’s so distinct to go extinct
With no one noticing
The serene scenes these roads have synched
Only in this vicinity to make Infinity seem Succinct/
So then:
Rubix cube a noob with rude permuations
Elusive clues superglued to space stations
Ruse for rubes and fools who choose mazes
Loosening lubes ooze their smooth graces
Its dues to snooze on the WHO? Of true ancients
Know just what your pain is.
This is true art, now, wonder where the paint is.
And even at the end, they haven’t the faintest
When all they see is my clothes,
This occurrence the greatest/

This message was brought to you by sound doctrine, truth, multidimensional manipulation, and the number 9

better than your usual stuff

you still mad at me?

I've never been mad at you, bud.

You're just not a very good writer, is all.

Study to teach….To learn to learn to teach,
to own his each that’s honed the speech,
Foe’s deceit on the code receipt,
Golden means patrolled the beach
Focus is the key to reach, locus of internal heat,
Unfolded lotus leaf exposed the goals to seek,
Eternal rotary, loaned the phone to speak.
Who’s as cold as V? Go delete those flows you think,
Disclose the link which shows the brink
And grows unique, it’s so distinct to go extinct
With no one noticing
The serene scenes these roads have synched
Only in this vicinity to make Infinity seem Succinct/
So then:
Rubix cube a noob with rude permuations
Elusive clues superglued to space stations
Ruse for rubes and fools who choose mazes
Loosening lubes ooze their smooth graces
Its dues to snooze on the WHO? Of true ancients
Know just what your pain is.
This is true art, now, wonder where the paint is.
And even at the end, they haven’t the faintest
When all they see is my clothes,
This occurrence the greatest/

I would like to disagree with that statement, but it may be my ego. It would help if you could back up your claim with more words of your opinion so I will know sir.

Your wording sucks and you beat your overall life/religion message into every single word you type. Plus you're condescending with the intellect. It's not so much writing as it is propaganda that adds the rhyme on for good effect. Not even a religion thing. If someone like black or Zenland wrote a relatively pro-religious piece I'd probably like it. Because they know nuance.

so what about my wording sucks? is it the words>? or just the ideas/idea that they convey sir? I had a hard time determining which you meant.....

I really liked the beginning it was deep and well thought out, well done.

"Study to teach….To learn to learn to teach,
to own his each that’s honed the speech,
Foe’s deceit on the code receipt,
Golden means patrolled the beach
Focus is the key to reach, locus of internal heat,
Unfolded lotus leaf exposed the goals to seek,"

May I?

A lot of things to pinpoint. By rhyming, the assonance doesn't make it seem you have a grasp in words. I agree with p, its just a lot of words were input in the wrong spot it seemed. And it seemed lazy. If a more skilled writer were to do this it would be done better, even with the same syllabic count. It just lacks substance and the words in-between words don't support the scheme. Adjective and verbs maximize this and you tend to either cutthroat it or let it go. It seems lackluster. Idk. Not very good.

hello bb da bb.

I have questions about your feedback and comments sir.

1. Thank you for your feedback and taking the time to write and read.

2. Do you think what I wrote means something? or is it just nonsense?

3. Is it possible that I actually have a mastery of words and am thus able to link the complex of concepts into a nonstop abstract rhyming pattern to help make them simpler...yet still mysterious as I said I would in the opening statement?

4. is it possible that you, like dan, do not like the message of what I am saying, so you find fault in it?

5. who was stronger, Vegeta or Goku?

I think Vegeta had more tribulations to go through, and showed them, so for all sakes, I'll say Vegeta, but I think Goku reached a higher pinnacle of physical strength, but not by much.

I never said that message was the fault, I said the word arrangements (I'm answering backwards) but he brought up a good point, the condescension is a unique and worrisome factor. I think sometimes you get carried away, so to say.

Hm, I guess it's possible that you do. But I doubt it. I can understand what you're saying. And I'm sure I could word it better (but this is about you, not me). Theres also a reason I am answering backwards, because my previous statement goes along with this. Your condescending attitude is even taking places in remarks of your own feedback. You place yourself above and that wanes towards: people understanding your piece, unable to weave intricate patterns due to the near infinite thought process of what you're writing, compared to the minuscule, tiny word selection that the english language has to offer, due to it being man-made, weak, finite. It's not that. It's just that sometimes your word choice is poor, and I think you havent yet, like vegeta, reached a capability of weaving what your head wants you too. It's like understanding how to achieve the speed of light, but we don't have any resources to do so, yet.

I think all writing can mean something, anything. You wind up a few couplet of metaphors and you go off that. Just because your mind connects something, doesn't mean it connects with readers, as well. Almost all the time I never understand what cryptic authors have to say, and that's fine, because they intended something through their own webbed network, and for them, that makes sense, and it may very well make sense if they explain it, but there is a subjective and objective line where 'how well' something connects doesn't become personal, rather interpersonal. You just need to work on things.

Good feedback. What things would you say I should work on?

also, the point I made about Vegeta and goku was that Goku was stronger than vegeta and usually seemed far more "lazy" as you put it. meditate upon that.

Rubix cube a noob with rude permuations
Elusive clues superglued to space stations
Ruse for rubes and fools who choose mazes
Loosening lubes ooze their smooth graces
Its dues to snooze on the WHO? Of true ancients
Know just what your pain is.
^^I really liked this section for the flow.

I will say that the wording messed up the flow a little bit in the first half but for the most part I enjoyed this. Especially what I quoted above because it was almost a tongue twister. Cool stuff.

fa sho fam, thanks for the feed bro.

88.

VERITAS. LET YOUR EGO GO.

HAHAHAHAH