Crucible
 

The hour is used up, on cruise control
It's so unusual
The get-go is the most untruthful show
Up inside the carnival of this narrow crucible
Carbonyl in their arsenal aerosol
Exhale ya radio redo out the stereo studio
I know I used to smoke, it's horrible
Zero airflow, isotopes pulled up ya nose slow
Come off ya horror dope with tha holy ghost
Truth be told, who knows our only hope ?
I do, wanna see me know HE G.O.A.T ?
Don't drink the kool-aid coke
Foul grape galls ya throat
Your soul just drowned alone
OH NO
Ninety-five percent of the world is lied to (yo)
Revelation twelve-nine spits it better than I do
Inside those lines hear tha trumpet sound
Who can Prophesize tha loudest count ?
AND THE GREAT DRAGON WAS CAST OUT

Ayo, screw it, imma bout to go in...

Been down on my luck for me to just
Just too much truth for me to what ?
Truth. I see it in the young; once is too much
First of the month fixed on the third of the slum
Birth of the jam praised the Lord of the gun
Lead of the lamb slugs the life of the man
In the breath of the lung is the voice of the love
The days come when the void of the dark
Will point to the noise of the light
The joy in our joint, smiting the knights of the night

Been up on the down, down on the ups
What ? Too much truth for me to just
Bust up that easily, I trust this to the judge
Live down the gun, peacefully up on His touch
This is me stuck to the plunge, up on the trust
Not on a crutch, been blind seeing the blood
It's faith of the servant vs. face of the serpent
Mud in the gut, lunch served in the cup of the cusp
Be the sign rendered in the texture
Be the boy measured when the storm sweats the weather
Lament blood, bend shut the percent of treasure you surrendered
Remember life, now a man must represent members of his shelter
Beggars and the debtors that the censors senor with a censure
Cause man, the world is polyester around our collar as this sweater

Tbh I was to lazy to try and decipher what your saying but lol it flowed so dope I just kept reading.

Flow was on point but Not sure what its about? Reads good though but content is confusing to me.

this was a cypher I wrote a few days ago...

world is messed up
don't take it's dope
Look to the light
Relapse
Recovery
Redemption

that's the just of it...I ain't too good at making sense. I try though. to me it's clear ovb.

You had some nice metaphors in there and a good flow. For some you just threw together it didn't sound all that bad.

this was good. I enjoyed it. the flow was real nice.. a lot of nice lines here man. the ususal coup type.. dope.

thanks for feeding my open mic.

The hour is used up, on cruise control
It's so unusual
The get-go is the most untruthful show
Up inside the carnival of this narrow crucible
Carbonyl in their arsenal aerosol

this was fresh

didn't like the middle too much, was kinda sporatic in terms of content, flow was butter tho


It's faith of the servant vs. face of the serpent
Mud in the gut, lunch served in the cup of the cusp
Be the sign rendered in the texture
Be the boy measured when the storm sweats the weather
Lament blood, bend shut the percent of treasure you surrendered

i liked this part too

you come off very abstract which isn't my style but you pull i t off pretty crisp. enjoyed most of this and I'll def peep your next drop. thanks again for the feed and advice

bookmark'd + in depth feed after i eat this dead chicken

Got a tab on this, Ill get to it later. For now I'll say that this was dope

thought this was dope except for the "boy measured in the storm" line

Lot of concepts to digest, but I like your description in the first part, its like examining something without paying attention to literal conventions

I dunno I kinda followed your train of thought but didn't know what to think of the destination. I enjoyed it either way

flow was hot...I'm wayyyy too high to try and figure the content out....remember even tho you get it...You gotta be able to convey that to the reader to really accomplish ya goal...not saying dumb down but be effective...overall shyt was tough

thanks all who told me where to step it up...I'm working on sense...that my big problem...I will post next OM and you can see if I improved..

I started a cypher to work on sense without flooding this board with junk...stay up, I hope to feed ya'lls work soon.

i found it reasonably interesting. your complete lack of grammar really enforced the already apparent idea it was a stream of consciousness... which had a clash of what i thought were genuinely inspired moments, marred by some less impressive, listless deliveries. i'm not really one to criticize syntax, generally, but yours doesn't help yourself, or the reader. but as i said, it more or less fit the piece.

faith of the servant vs. face of the serpent

Remember life, now a man must represent members of his shelter

more of that.

In the breath of the lung is the voice of the love
The days come when the void of the dark
Will point to the noise of the light
The joy in our joint, smiting the knights of the night

less of this. imo.

you write for yourself, though. not me. so keep on, i liked it.

This was plain abstract writing which I can honestly appreciate and come to enjoy honestly cause it puts a stamp on flexibility. The verse was nice as a whole but when broken into sectors or stanzas you find the little grammar issues or fragmented ideas but its the sense of this as a whole come to together doesn't make it seem too far fetched ya know its nice though good writing man no negatives cause your write for you and it seems pretty stupid to judge since we're all in the same boat as non established writers