Syphoning Gas Through My Breathing Aparatus.
 

My whip game is nascar, bitches name is that broad
Got a pasport from madagascar, all the way through alaska
Atom smasha, built my rep off a notepad like dizaster
Syphon gas through my breathing aparatus, I write the kasbaa
Team player to you mascots, bad ass god of the nation
Stop stipulation, you are not hip hop if you basic
Got a swastika book for amusement, gothika music
Not as reclusive, back, dope as fuck, what a rastaa induces
Play possum, raccoon slick, you won't see me coming
High voltage, the shock will turn ghost your beloved
Fuck it, I call my glock nine comatoast, its an oven
Never cared much, bring the gun, carry that shit in public
The attachments the ones that the military issues
Left ill and came back, I'm still a very sick dude
The feeling that you get due to wittnessing a death
And I've killed so many people, there isnt victims left
Got a kitchen set of twelve knives, bodies slowly trimmed
Can't walk accross the room without falling over limbs

Hello Genocide, this was another well written audio verse. You really have the concept mastered. Hopefully you're saving all of your written texts to be recorded one day, I would like to hear a lot of these as a real track. The verse itself although technically solid was slightly confusing to me content wise. You had commented earlier in my verse that you couldn't relate because you never had money for the nice cars etc. but then your very first line was about your whip and you continued to mention Madagascar passports, tripping over dead bodies and killing people. I guess to me it just felt phony because you don't normally write like this and I almost felt cheated and let down that you just made up some fictional content to fill your verse with. Again, the writing itself was great but this subject matter didn't seem to fit you.

true shit, thanks for the honesty. i think the criticism i recieve in some of my other works drives me to try different ideas and it always seems to go back into a darker side of me that feels more my own self i.e. ..the dead bodies on the floor.

tried to open in a not so predictable way. a lot of confusion happens when you try to please readers. the thing is, not all the readers feel the same. i guess what really needs to happen is this.. whatever your comfortable with -wherever writing takes. you should go there. dont always change up due to what you criticism leads you to believe may be the way to go. if changing yourself to make someone else happy is what the message delivers, then its probably not the message you should pay most attention to. allthough i do find inspiration in a critique that tells me to vary my writing, i also find the most struggle when i try to do it. this one -just wasnt the route to go. kind of just writing for the sake of writing.

the beginning may not have been me. but the rest most certainly was. thanks

gothika music
Not as reclusive, back, dope as fuck, what a rastaa induces

rhyme scheme on point once again..

shit kept gettin' darker an darker as far as ya content as it neared the end....I can tell thats your comfort zone...you create some good imagery wit' that genre..

smooth read here...all good thingz man

HoLLa