Swag swag swag.... on you
 

I don't need luxery, the teen a wordSMITH/
So i'm taking shots till your rookie team forfeits/
Front-flip instruments then punch it with four fist/
Cus i'm fantastic, drop bombs so suit your flak jackets/
Flat chances to be better I spit on the track magic/
I got eragon on my lungs when I rap your whole era is gone/
Bitch don't like my mystical rhythm well hear the barreta song/
It goes 'Ca,Ca,Ca', feel the static like a bearhug from blanka/
Conquer Continents with assonance and concepts when flowing magma/
My mind is a magnum and I don't want to be evil/
But that steel attracts me like magneto if you get me a beat kilo'd/
I'm talking dope, I might relapse and write like slim shady/
Get the pen&page get the mic flamming spit crazy/
I'm a mad danny bonaduci.

Not bad, trying to focus more on your wording tho man, you had some decent concepts but the wording or lack thereof really threw the flow off. If your trying to use a good concept try to work a couple multies in there to lengthen the line and give yourself more room to execute your ideas. Keep it up man

Its more like whack whack whack on ya

Your verse constructions is poor
Poor vocabulary
I don't even want to work on metaphors
But

"Conquer Continents with assonance and concepts when flowing magma"

I liked that.

All in all, keep dropping.

yo i see you upping the flow meter and the vocabulary deliciousness in this, i love the blend of mystic out of this world rhymes with real world street shit, gives it a unique voice, waiting for you to post a whole piece though. appreciate that this wasnt another "...nigga" piece lol dope shit

Thanks erry1
fuck u jes, swag/whack wow! that kinda rhymes good for you.
lol@ verse construction.. after you write your shit do you proof read it?

........

Lmao this nigga tryna be cute and quote a typo.