cold nigga
 

cold nigga.

I'm a maniac cold as nebraska spitting facts,
Infact i'm santa's dick in christmas,
I'm Icy as Blue ivy's barbie collection,
Bars leave Instruments dying from hypothermia
Serve your area with the blizzardous lyrics
Grab the mittens if you peasants wish to feel this,
I'm spitting the narnia you bitches just closet fans I mean man the clock ticks, and you still on my cock shit..
You want to reach my cockpit? Okay lets get back to the topic
My tongue cools the tip of the everest, even in the evening
When i'm diving beneath your mothers jeans'sis my semen just freezes
In mid air..
She just stares..
Gets a hold and licks it a popsicle, and left your a mother a nice ice temple,

you got skills, but you next time stay topic cause this look like a freestyle.

The concept of your piece was decent but the execution was meh. And; ''Infact i'm santa's dick in christmas'' <-- wtf was that? The wording was wack in that ''narnia''-line as well, Narnia and closet-fans ish is played as fuck too. The semen freezes & popsicle line was lulzworthy, but overall I didn't really enjoy it. Was short and seemed rushed.

If you keep producing pieces like this my feed is going to be damn near identical each time.
I will say i see a better attempt at creativity in this and a slightly better piece mechanically.
Its kind of annoying to keep reading the title "real nigga" "realer nigga" "cold nigga"
In my eyes that shows either laziness or lack of creativity. I'm not sure which is the case here.
Come up with some attention grabing titles.

The whole im santa's dick line was lame.
I did enjoy the rhyme mechanics of the clock tics cock pit line. Decent.

Stay up
1

Idk man, this is better then the last one i read although i think you could still improve your schemes and structure, you use a lot of near rhymes which is cool for vocal but its easier to spot through text and makes it come off funky. Also i noticed you end a lot of your rhymes mid bar instead of at the end of the bar which also makes it look weird. Anyways stay up and keep writing, ill peep the next one.

Internal rhymes are great, you won't see anyone ever with more internals than me in their pieces, but I feel you really need the end rhymes to keep the piece intact, as audio this would probably be better but as a written piece it is difficult and frustrating to read, imo internals are to add to the end rhyme, not to replace it.

You're genuinely trying too hard, or that is how it comes across. Take a leaf out of the guy above's book and just write.

Thanks for the tip guys i'll try and use them in my next little type

Cereal killah you wack fuck kill yourself.

Im not cereal killer.

Yo my dude; you gotta pick your ending rhymes better.

Concepts are fucking sick but the wording and vocabulary just throws me off.