Jennifer's Body (Exis & Vividlyvague)
 

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Ayo,

To hide all her pain she often cries in the rain
thinkin' "There's no point in dryin' my eyes
then have to dry them again
'cause with the heavens open above me
these tears get wiped right away"
see Jenny's mostly a lovely chick
when she ain't focused on other shit
like how she's troubled from sufferin'
and the struggles accompanied
by not really knowin' what comfort is
she's now in her twenties but from age eight to eleven
Jen's privates were violated thru the violence of rape
when she's in private feels isolated yet the silence is great
she always tried to escape
from what he'd made an obsession
but findin' ways to an exit were only dire mistakes
he would catch her tryin' and state
how she's the same as him - desperate
'fore beatin' her majorly senseless
with a sleazy smile on his face
then calmly walks away when it's ended
like his forceful blatant intentions
have really brightened her day
in the form of gave her a lesson
on how to keep things quiet, behave well
or more the sames what she's gettin'
from his vile and insane self
that's fully trained in deception
sportin' denial as a trait whenever his make up is questioned.


He spits what he would call "game"
With intentions on spoiling the rotten,
Dillusions that her and most girls were one and the same.
There were no heroes in this Gotham,
Many jokers and riddlers, but this bain
To her existence was more of a problem...
Furs, yves St Laurent shit , home ownership if she saves?
"Nigga please." A year later she'd be scraping the bottom.
Infected, pregnant and stretched-in if she stayed.
"Bitch, you're mine!" One fist and three words, she's unconcious.
Dragged into a culvert's darkest reaches... his cave,
She came to in a bloody mess, panties ripped and she's throbbing.

The tears stopped, as fire burned in their place.
He's away. She didn't pace, but evaluated the options.
Chicken wire remnants, plastic shards make great blades...
Her plan was carefully laid til he came back off a bottle.
"Heeyyyy, Bitch!" The slurred sneer slayed
Every intention she had of giving his offspring a swallow.
I guess I'll improvise... "Daddy, you wanna play?"
Five minutes into his wildest fantasy she opened his Vodka...
"Ooh, you a kinky bitch!" Her seductive grin fades...
Jennifer's body had never felt so awesome!
She melted into ecstasy seeing the pimp lit in flames...

Interesting. First is VV second is Ex.

Vice versa.

Can we get some feed in this fucker smh.

i typically don't hang around the OM, 'cause I'm more geared toward HEARING flow and reading along.

with that said, sadly it's hard for me to get into in this format.


onto the critique:

the first second flowed extremely well. it read and flowed practically like conversational speech. the content was real dark, but believable and poignant. i like the first segment quite a bit.

the second segment. although the batman references was pretty clever, i think it made my start thinking about the comic books, which distracted me from what was very serious. not harping on it too much though, it got back on track with the whole idea of being controlled by a bad guy.


the final segment. sick imagery, although lighting him on fire wasn't truly explained, the suggestion of it was enough i guess. it seemed to end abruptly, i would've liked to see a bit more dialogue, 'cause it was pretty fucking cool. but the imagery was definitely the strong point of this segment, and the entire piece as a whole.


pay it forward

really fucking dope fellaz. yall complimented each other nicely. dont wanna say i know exactly whos who here -but im fairly certain i have a good idea.

the topic was cool and the movie is pretty sexy. i love jennifer. not exactly what i need content wise right now so im not gonna splurge with a ton of feedback. just know that i peep the talent /game in here

thanks guys
up

I thought this was a quality collabo. Both had their moments of conceptual shine. Exis' scheme was pretty unique and VV had noteworthy dialogue insertions; made for a cool read.

Thanks bro.