Transatlanticism.
 

Nervous fidget. I'm here. You're here. We're here.
And as worst fears evaporate
I calculate turns near.
Do we run?
Run together. Run away. Run forever.
Come December, we'll hibernate in the tundra desert.
We'll snuggle under sweaters.
Something. Nothing. Hunger sets in.
The apple of my eye or the gum I stepped in?
We're moving fast. We come in sessions.
Love as weapon.
Bellicose.
Your smell of rose aroused.
We tumble, breathless.
We.
We waited and
yet still seem so young and restless.
The buzz of a hundred texts.
Selfie and emoji are in Webster's now,
but I just figured out how to relate to you.
But I just figured out how to escape into your graceful hue
as we chase rainbows.
Reach out and touch.

Me. You. Us.

I read it it was good



What is this called tho? This liek a mix of haiku and poetry?

Haiku is a form of three-line poetry based on its 5-7-5 syllable structure. This just good ol' text rap, I guess, with a sappy bent.

oh. i know this song.

@Sick lol nig.

I thought the ending was really poignant but lacked closure. Maybe it needed music. Hated the gum I stepped in line. I enjoyed the diction but bellicose was too fancy to be honest. Sometimes when I read your writing I think about how it is very close to stylistically settled, but the audience// narrative presence is very uncertain. Emoji line was the most powerful


Overall I wanted more flowing of ideas and rhymes and stuff, there wasn't much of a reader writer exchange but there was def potential for it, almost like you held back to imitate the DCFC



EDIT: by "too fancy to be honest" I mean too flashy to seem sincere

Buzz of a hundred texts/the solo We./emojis/ending were the shtuff I enjoy.

I Had no problem with bellicose.

Snuggle/graceful hue I didn't like as much.

You and Split do these types the best. Some people probably dislike this type of open mic. To them I'd say feh. I'd rather read pieces like this over grandiose stories and dissertations on some random conspiracy or something.

Not your best but very gewd. I enjoyed it.

i mistakenly skimmed through this the first couple of times i read it. I'm not sure why but it didn't really sink any hooks.

but I've read it through closely and have much more to say. i will get home and decompress and give you some food.

for now i will say i think you should make a series of this. it felt like part of a series. maybe its the brevity but i see this as a developing discourse on modern relationships. i think pancake had a verse about a text message not so long ago that struck a similar chord as this. namely the emoji segment which I'm sure he quoted as a standout cause you guys are weirdly similar like that.

anyway yeah, ill be back

You've gotten' better.

Have I? What is the time-frame context of this statement?

I liked this. love as weapon was awkward, (I might of done it as 'love, the weapon' w.e) but besides that I had no quarrels..

dunno why my shit didn't post. I liked this. The style was a far cry from the other dare piece you dropped. I loved that there was simplicity in the structure, but was still complex in content. Cool joint.

This was cool...don't really feel writin' like this much but it was an enjoyable read, had some nice imagery.

Stay upwards.

This type of piece is sort of out of my kind of preference but either case it was very intriguing. Some of the phrasing was tied together nicely. Split & Cake are the only other writers who write in a similar way, but differently, and while I wouldn't say this was on that kind of level, it most certainly was good. Would like to read something like this with more meat in it the next time. Did @dyedinthewool give you them digits though? :p

Good stuff.