Originally Posted by Red glare

Pohfig. You must be a security guard. A stationary figure of some sorts who writes with a very lucid flow when he gets the chance. Your Job is probably the total opposite of your flow. Your job is most likely monotonous and precarious. While your flow remains unrestrained and free spirited; I can only suggest what I have interpreted. There are a lot of abstract thought patterns that are puzzling but Reading it was a enjoyable chore;
One line brought your character to life for me. It was this one.
There's Routine - in blue jeans and a beer belly - sitting in constraints -
Whiskey and an eighth
good abstract average joe shit at the end of the day.

Originally Posted by Red glare

TopicalDood5. The thoughts are bouncing around with a confusing candance. The footing of the first verse is not grounded enough to really stabilize a solid foundation for the rest of the verse. I feel as though you maybe should create a recognizable flow and then break off into your pattern frenzy; because otherwise the reader is just jarred with rhythm, but the actual meaning is lost in translation. "It's so cold - they're either frozen or prone to explosive conniptions" Great line - it really was the beginning of the momentum you failed to create within the first stanza. The schemes your fond of worked well there until the last few lines were you once again took your foot off the gas; creating a passive like segway into a even 'passiver' finale. The singsong schemes had a fade feel to them; but they were not conclusively powerful; where as a more traditional scheme may have succeeded with that. But again, you have your own style. Your writers voice began to shine through and it clinched the battle for you.

Originally Posted by ZeeDee

Vulgar, very strong in narrative diction, flow and the details of what seems to be a letter to. Close friend from the format... the details seem more general and doesn't really expand on the topic of a timeless friendship.... but in some ways it does and I did like reading it as well.... very nicely executed and very broad with your display of comparison examples.... I would say this is more along the topic of the decay of society or evolution, but it does do enough on this topic too... there are a lot of lines that are worded nicely and caught my attention... you went through awie variations of examples of showing the weaknesses within the capitalistic systems of government we live in and did more to make t amusing with light hearted punchlines of reality in this system can even contradict iself just by living within it.. that was pretty cool...

Originally Posted by zygote

Mike Wrecka, very enjoyable to read. It was great how you wrote from perspective of the dinosaur. Some lines were also humorous (E.g., my arms were too short) which is an undervalued skill, because humor can be difficult to communicated let alone with only writing. Overall, Enigma had gave a grander scheme in relation to the topic, but Mike Wrecka had a better self-contained message and more interesting take on the topic.

Originally Posted by Red glare

Nigma. I was picturing Kayne west spitting this


o here's to dreary days awake and trapped in the passed re-enacted
Can't just grab the nearest plane or path to craft my advancement
Can't just take a gal and fly away the way Aladdin did Jasmine
We agreed to scrap it, won't tamper the plans
Since interacting in the past wouldn't actually happen
If planning to plan wasn't planned in advance hmm?


This verse had a unique flow - it was a fun read and I could relate to the writers voice behind it. 'What I learned in the shackles was worth the entrapment' was a powerful punch line in an otherwise superficial sea of wordplay. You nailed the agenda and summed it up in a serious; observant kind of way. Enjoyable read. Also nice touch catering to the 'love of your life' audience. Mike is the LL cool J of that shit.

Originally Posted by Buddha

Red glare:Damn...Just damn...From the beginning I was a little bored with it because I thought it was going to be a history lesson type post but then once you got to the interview with Truman...It was pretty amazing in my opinion. The dialogue seemed genuine (probably because it was) and there was a ton of witty and brash quotes from Truman. Very very enjoyable reading that. What I don't understand is the "Its 2013 and I work for the New York Times" line. Why is that there? It seemed it would've been best to leave that line out imo. But to be honest this was an amazing piece here really. Props.

Originally Posted by dead man

ZYGOTE unlike red, you almost threw us into a world where we're supposed to already know how to navigate. the references and themes you speak on are not discussed as a historical concept marked on a calendar but as a reality and something being as it is in the moment. this focused not on the literal parallel between truman and truman's life, or events in the period etc. instead it took a central trait and ran with it, not what the statement from truman said, but what it didn't say.. the Petr Vilshenko exposition was enjoyable not only from the standpoint of it's exploration of nihilism under hypothetical conditions but as a second layer, discussion on the consequences of power and leadership, and third as a single rhyme scheme verse that especially impressed given the precision of subject matter.. i will not go on any longer with this but im glad i decided to stop in and break down this battle in particular. red i think you have everything you need to champ a league even as talented as the AOWL - but you're relying too much on yourself, and not trusting the reader to meet you halfway. if you let some of that control go as a writer you'll be surprised how it stays afloat.