help me charge up my jerk-off crystal
 

http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhan...9657216-42.jpg

I know I have my own thread for this stuff but this.. this is too strong not too have its own thread

Lmaooooooooooo0o0o

Has to be a troll


Craigslist?

shrug

i got the screen shot off buzzfeed, but yeah it seems to have originated on cl

troll or no troll he is a god among ants

Only real question is
Where does one aquire this crystal?

Do I have to leave the shire and battle the necromaner sauron to obtain the one crystal that will jerk us all

I always trust Reed's judgement. So it goes without saying that You did the right thing threading this.

I imagine if you defeat the CL ad poster in masturbatory combat, he must relinquish the crystal to you.*










*fun facts about this post

I spelled, "relinquish" right on my first try

spell check tells me, "masturbatory" is an actual word.

What would this combat consist off? We talking speed demon... Distantce drop ... Overall consistently ... Dry of lubed for seperate events ... And who is the panel of judges... Howard stern ?

Is their a summer and winter event like the jack off Olympics?

Round 1 is Judged on overall load size and distance. Are you a fire hose or a squirt gun?

Round 2 is accuracy. Moving females face targets are set up from 2 feet back. How many accurate face shots can you make in 60 seconds?

Round 3 is speed. 2 nuts in. Testosterone levels lowered, and barely motivated, how fast can you finish?

Caveat: he is wearing the crystal and it is charged to full power.

guys, he's SEEN it glow.

@Sicc for details on vanquishing

Goooone.

/genre

Reeds follow ups r even better than OP

lolz

Reed we need a tie breaker ...

How about nothing but a back stroke, with tooth picks holding up your eyelids staring at a picture of Phillip Seymour Hoffman in his boogie nights shorts while tea bagging a cup of hot tea ... No krumpets

Dude jacked Pamela Anderson's barb wire tat though.....seems legit.

Frank is obv at the guys house atm...

Is i still glowing, or have u exhausted it's additive energy?

Dude's a noob if he ain't on that Fleshlight Russian Roulette.

Chrystal was fake ... It had a watch battery in it that lit up with movement ... This guy was bogus


Nice house though ...

Truer words were never spoken.

Thas fucked...

on both counts.