Biker
 

The son of a widow trying to solve the riddle of life
My kids will cry their little eyes out while I beat the shit out my wife
Nowhere in sight until you’re getting knifed…In a fight to the death
I get mine and wave the blood at another club member’s chest
Wearing a fitted hat with a snub under my cut/leather vest
No regret, Never Forget, POW MIA tats on my neck
Got my patch on my back and a pat on the back,
But can only get out if it’s a matter of death
I ride with my peers in a pack with no fears
Growing our bonds stronger and longer than our Duck Dynasty beards
When it’s time to drink beers, your pleasure is finding me here
Kick it with me and drink whiskey while I’m shinning my gear
Take a shot and light a cigar and get in a fight at the bar
So many near death experiences and I tell the stories with scars
It’s a shame that I’m the one to blame
…They say I would've made it unharmed
If only I was wearing my helmet when I got hit by that car

I haven't done a topical in a while, I prefer battling but I will leave some feedback tomorrow on a few pieces.

nice. your strength here was ease of reading, not depth. the storytellin came to an abrupt halt which was actually very satisfying based on many other pieces that ive read recently. =p

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=56357
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=56242

My kids will cry their little eyes out while I beat the shit out my wife

WTF kind of opener is this? I don't whether I should feel angry, ashamed or amazed that you put this, either way, dope beginning.


Decent writing. read almost like a flex, only in topical forum. solid writing for sure, the key with topicals is in the details. I my self love the gruesome, so instead of just saying "They say I would've made it unharmed, If only I was wearing my helmet when I got hit by that car" going into detail about the pain of being struck, flying in the sky, head scrapping the gravel, killing the other car driver even flying through the windshield... To me, this would have been the difference between solid and dope.

easy read lol at the topic of a bikers perspective
a few cool visuals
the ending was sort of abrupt but overall not bad

thanks for the feedback

I liked some parts of this piece. I think adding some of his personality in the mix would have made him sound less stereotypical, not to say bikers are not actually like this.

The story switched kind wierdly toward that last part about the car crash imo. Overall, for such a short drop, you managed to fit more than enough in to where one wouldn't necessarily need to ask questions. Good job and keep droppin.