Death Rattle
 

Mr eager harkened the darkness beneath my impartial conceit.
He conceived a theatre distressed, an eased me into death
Relieving my inherent weakness of being a creature of flesh.
His speaking of intents besieged me with the deepest of regrets
When seething breath excreted “I’ve seen you repressed,
As a peon dressed in a priests robe, deceived by a sect.”
Contempt embalmed me, as I skulked, baring scalding heat.
In the darkness, I heard the ghosts of Carthage call to me
Barking a carrion bargain, “Care for the impoverished,
Prepare the starving to feast. Then lead the sheep
To slaughter, well ensnaring them in their beliefs.”
I arose barely bearing anything comparative of the scene
Yet a raring scream sunk deep, tearing me at the seams
The serpents sleek wearing was carried in my sleeve
An each beating of my heart, prepared him for release.
A carriage, thought a chariot, flared by mares at speed.
Brought despair an deaths corsairs to cherished seas.
The herring ceased their seasonal pairings to flee
An the people flocked for bequeathed knowledge
Beneath a deceitful prophet, seeking merited relief.
The narrative preparing the children of Eden, barren
To receive a gospel, hymns an misanthropic tariff
Authored by a seraph wrought with implausible grief
As ears accosted of his speech, bought into receipt
“Our god deemed father would seek martyrs an priests,
To march for seeds sprouted of dew harboured in breeze.
Seek through flesh carved, renewed harvest an leaves,
Leave no non-follower to be a father whom breathes.
Seek farther then hawks wander flocked in retreat,
To bring children of lost homage, to our cause of reprieve,
Waive not their shamed taunts, kill all who naught believe.”
Shaken conscious came a beast, a lion caustic in frame,
Who rode tireless, across his domain, a thoughtless Crusade.
-Jesus






-This was my verse for AOWL this week, but I suffered a no show. No hate to Que I understand he had a lot to do with work and all that so I have no hard feelings just frustration of the first week I was in being a no show win.


Anyways, Feedback would be appreciated.

Hell of a verse. Exceptional work right here. The flow was clean as spring water. Piece screamed unity. Really good stuff here. Well written. The piece was well written. You know when you know a piece is well written is when you look at the computer screen and scan the verse and some of the words start looking like script in places. Like a blurr.

To march for seeds sprouted of dew harboured in breeze.
Seek through flesh carved, renewed harvest an leaves,

heavy earth tone

thsi reminds me of a derek mahon poem or something really complex

Man, Willymuff that's a sick compliment I appreciate that. Hadn't heard of him, so I looked it up. He's a great writer.

Reserved for feed

Damn man. This really was a nice fuckin piece and it's a damn shame this was no showed forreal. Honestly I don't know if anyone would've been able to beat this and maybe thats why they didn't post lol. Excellent multis, excellent rhymes, and most importantly an excellent message. Great work X. I'll be looking out for your next drop man.