Netcees - I ain't a hippy I just like weed and being lazy

Netcees (http://netcees.org/index.php)

- Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)

- - I ain't a hippy I just like weed and being lazy (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=54591)

I ain't a hippy I just like weed and being lazy

Watching YouTube vids on how hashs made
Daydreaming of slitting a tree huggers wrist with a grass blade
Stop at the barber shop for a fast fade already faded
Fuck big jay & nas, it's sour, kush and haze flavors when we argue our favorites
Smoke trees til the stump. Stumped look in my face when I'm slumped
Dutches by the box in my trunk, wake and bake then a space cake for brunch
Hookahs bongs pipes ecig or a blunt inhaled with a kiss
Break night, red eye sky high off the late flight daily persist
Thousand dollar purchase the purpose make it disappear into mist
Come to my house to smoke with no weed motherfucker I'm pissed

Damn Homie..In High School you was the man homie.. fuck happened to you?

Haha..

Thanks Frank

I know I'm trash now but tbh I didn't try

Watching YouTube vids on how hashs made
Daydreaming of slitting a tree huggers wrist with a grass blade

Cool opener. The whole thing, from the title to the content, had a very 'here this is, I'm just going drop this and move on, 1' vibe to it. The multi didn't match up, which was a bit odd to me. If you had worked the wording to make the first line end with 'hash made' it would've worked as a blunt (no pun intended) multi. Two syllables isn't complex but it can lead to a nice flow, and reworking this line in my head with 'hash made' reads dope. You know how to multi so I assume you chose content over rhyme and said fuck it. Solid opening couplet.

Stop at the barber shop for a fast fade already faded
Fuck big jay & nas, it's sour, kush and haze flavors when we argue our favorites
Smoke trees til the stump. Stumped look in my face when I'm slumped
Dutches by the box in my trunk, wake and bake then a space cake for brunch

It's odd that a middle section is the best part of an OM but that's the case here. I liked the continuance of 'grass blade' with 'fast fade'. Then the use of faded right after fade, which you did again with 'stump' and 'stumped'. It's not exactly a difficult trick to employ but in comparison to most drops in this section it's creative. I particularly enjoyed the third line; it flowed really well when I read it, the punctuation was perfectly placed for inflection. Last line was okay, finished the section.

Hookahs bongs pipes ecig or a blunt inhaled with a kiss
Break night, red eye sky high off the late flight daily persist
Thousand dollar purchase the purpose make it disappear into mist
Come to my house to smoke with no weed motherfucker I'm pissed

I think you started off stronger than you finished. The rhymes were a bit predictable here and you lost some of the creativity I enjoyed in the beginning. Still solid from a technical standpoint but it lost a little but of swagger to me.

Overall I liked this. Sometimes I dislike short drops because I feel they should be either fleshed out or put into the cypher but you're a vet and if this is what you needed to get the pen moving I respect that. It wasn't anything ground breaking but you didn't intend to be. Good for what it is, something to whet the palate. Hope to see some more drops, maybe something a bit more substantive.

Thanks for the read.

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Pancake (Post 281015)

Watching YouTube vids on how hashs made
Daydreaming of slitting a tree huggers wrist with a grass blade

Cool opener. The whole thing, from the title to the content, had a very 'here this is, I'm just going drop this and move on, 1' vibe to it. The multi didn't match up, which was a bit odd to me. If you had worked the wording to make the first line end with 'hash made' it would've worked as a blunt (no pun intended) multi. Two syllables isn't complex but it can lead to a nice flow, and reworking this line in my head with 'hash made' reads dope. You know how to multi so I assume you chose content over rhyme and said fuck it. Solid opening couplet.

Stop at the barber shop for a fast fade already faded
Fuck big jay & nas, it's sour, kush and haze flavors when we argue our favorites
Smoke trees til the stump. Stumped look in my face when I'm slumped
Dutches by the box in my trunk, wake and bake then a space cake for brunch

It's odd that a middle section is the best part of an OM but that's the case here. I liked the continuance of 'grass blade' with 'fast fade'. Then the use of faded right after fade, which you did again with 'stump' and 'stumped'. It's not exactly a difficult trick to employ but in comparison to most drops in this section it's creative. I particularly enjoyed the third line; it flowed really well when I read it, the punctuation was perfectly placed for inflection. Last line was okay, finished the section.

Hookahs bongs pipes ecig or a blunt inhaled with a kiss
Break night, red eye sky high off the late flight daily persist
Thousand dollar purchase the purpose make it disappear into mist
Come to my house to smoke with no weed motherfucker I'm pissed

I think you started off stronger than you finished. The rhymes were a bit predictable here and you lost some of the creativity I enjoyed in the beginning. Still solid from a technical standpoint but it lost a little but of swagger to me.

Overall I liked this. Sometimes I dislike short drops because I feel they should be either fleshed out or put into the cypher but you're a vet and if this is what you needed to get the pen moving I respect that. It wasn't anything ground breaking but you didn't intend to be. Good for what it is, something to whet the appetite. Hope to see some more drops, maybe something a bit more substantive.

Thanks for the read.

You hit the nail on the head
I did this cuz if I didn't I wouldn't do anything

If that makes sense.
Tbh I wrote a long backpack rap type shit everyone here does deleted it then wrote this real quick

I'll write something worthy of that type of in depth critique at some point.
Appreciate the honesty

I enjoyed it for what it was

A key off the la... I just burned and the title grabbed me... I'm lazy so appreciated the shortness with enough to say what u wanted I think

Dale

My NCG said:

Quote:

Fuck big jay & nas, it's sour, kush and haze flavors when we argue our favorites

I give you honest feedback, This could've been better if you added more Creativity & enjoyment, Anyway, keep practicing you'll be creative writer.

cool. it would work on a beat pretty smooth tbh. some reasonable doubt relaxed type flow

for what this was it was enjoyable

nothing groundbreaking, but still a nice lil read

got the feeling ur blazed n just wanted to write something so u did

i liked the throwback type of style u used fast fade/faded, stump/stumped - u coulda done more with that lil steeze n it woulda been dope, but still i like how u ran with the train of thought - kinda tied into the tree hugger/grass blade - but then stepped up the skill a lil bit

n wordchoice was pretty cool too, elaborating on ^^ that, and then with a lil aliteration thrown in puchase/purpose

scheming was pretty dope with internals to externals

ive seen ALOT better from u, but this was still a fun quick read

Cool shit.
Dug the argue line