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-   -   Black - MOVE (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=54171)

dead man 02-19-2014 11:33 PM

Black - MOVE
 
http://stuffkit.com/wp-content/uploa...e-Angel-by.jpg

alas





melancholia. i dragged you for weeks
watched you splinter into avalanches. alleys and streets
kept faith. hence, we never built a path for retreat
damned or deceased, it all falls down. parabola peaks
dosed you with barbiturates, acid and leak
popped, like aspirin tabs. you took a nap on your feet
awoke in heat, starving for rhythm - voltage or charge
smoking cigars. eating glass out of linoleum jars
i'm the stoop-kid, afraid. throwing stones in the yard
or a socialite, with money folds like holding your cards
pokerfaced like Romans at war. trojan the horse
mad conductor. tropic thunder in electrical storms
pushing you forward, moi cheri amour / enemy, sworn
you're Pegasus born. i swear it, you were destined to soar
dead to the world. yet it only makes me treasure you more
so i talked you off the rope while you wrestled disorders
behind the steering wheel on a mescaline binge
telling me you're gonna die unless i tell you to live.
it reminds me of when we were kids. playing Nancy and Sid
inking up our bodies so the past can exist
grasping for grip. all i want is for a movement, a twitch
but i can't move you an inch. life's a beauty, passion's a bitch
expectations, ambition. it stifles lateral vision
relations simmer. making love in a financial position
stagnant, monochromatic. fuck, i've had it, we're finished
but i keep coming back for seconds after a guinness
you shine. you killed icarus. put plants into synthesis
but you gave into the standard constituents. frozen remains
rotting away, cedar soaked in propane, oaken your frame
angel wings, ball and chain contingent. born as a slave
nobody's to blame. let it be neutral, balance the pressure
nobody but the other knows we're fastened together
exams and semesters, december and spring, ashes and ember
happy, depressive, held me down no matter, whatever
used you up for all this time. it couldn't be wrong
but even once the chain snaps, i'll push you along
inspiration gone. dust in the wind, kush in the bong
let your soul wander outwards from that wooden facade
savor the light. help me create a landmark. save me tonight
let me move a single reader with these phrases i use
to savor tonight. flame the tobacco, save me a light
until i find the strength to fight for motivation to move.





- BLACK

Wise Wiggles 02-20-2014 08:48 AM

- RADICAL

it reminds me of when we were kids. playing Nancy and Sid
inking up our bodies so the past can exist

inspiration gone. dust in the wind, kush in the bong
let your soul wander outwards from that wooden facade

- ILL

Mike Wrecka 02-20-2014 07:34 PM

good read.

2XL 02-20-2014 09:02 PM

I'm a up this in a little bit. Too busy drinkin right now. Dope read though

2XL 02-21-2014 08:21 AM

Noticing the trend of relationship pieces. But your very good at attacking these

behind the steering wheel on a mescaline binge
telling me you're gonna die unless i tell you to live.
it reminds me of when we were kids. playing Nancy and Sid
inking up our bodies so the past can exist
grasping for grip. all i want is for a movement, a twitch
but i can't move you an inch. life's a beauty, passion's a bitch


one of my favorite parts right here. loved the playing nancy and sid line. kinda crazy figures to be modeled after at young age and reveals how long this relationship has been.
Thought the piece started off slow and unmoving. The whole haze of love and numbness of a troubled relationship where you want to leave but always find yourself caught back up in the attraction; it gets a bit overused. Too comfortable in your own niche. But you prove yourself with the visuals you depict.

relations simmer. making love in a financial position
stagnant, monochromatic. fuck, i've had it, we're finished
but i keep coming back for seconds after a guinness
you shine. you killed icarus. put plants into synthesis
but you gave into the standard constituents.


angel wings, ball and chain contingent. born as a slave
nobody's to blame. let it be neutral, balance the pressure
nobody but the other knows we're fastened together


some more lines i liked. I didnt really get the standard consituents part, but maybe thats just me thinking of the wrong way to use it. Very good read only thing i didnt like was the wrestled disorders part that just kind of threw off the flow and felt put in becuz you couldnt think of an alternative. But beyond that props

dead man 02-25-2014 08:23 AM

Thanks man!

Just Write 02-25-2014 10:47 PM

damn dude, sometimes i fucking hate you, but in a good way. you write ridiculous and to be honest you probably wrote this in like 20 fucking minutes or something. anyways theres nothin really left to say but keep puttin out that fire.



but i keep coming back for seconds after a guinness
you shine. you killed icarus. put plants into synthesis

ive read this piece a couple times but this guinness life for some reason is my favorite, it could be interpreted as a beer or the world record book and still make sense. thanks for the read

Vulgar 03-06-2014 03:40 PM

You are fond of cigarettes and tobacco leaf. That much is known about the disciplinarian from the likely area of South Chicago. You brought your iron poetic steez again this time with crisply written lines flowing crisply. You seemed to be speaking on relationships being held onto, dragged, slung over the shoulders of irresolute partners who can feel the shards crumbling on all sides of them as they free fall from moral high ground. This was a sort of Spike Lee verse. Atmospheric, plenty of street imagery, the Trojan Horse being used as a metaphor in some cases. From what I understood, it was a cool journey.

you're Pegasus born. i swear it, you were destined to soar
dead to the world. yet it only makes me treasure you more
^Favorite bar. That was dope.

Keep doing you


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