Mary Jane
 

Topic:
"I am secretly in love with everyone that I grew up with" - Matt Berninger

Mary Jane were chemists in college, attending the finest Ivy League school
Their university colors were violet. Their shoes, looked purple in the prying light deceiving through...
Jane was short and stubby and spoke softly in a relieving coo. A deep sleep inducing speaking to you,
On the couch - in the classroom; locked in, while the teacher shakes up a breaker tube
Mary? She at least 6 feet 2.
Tall; loud; she doesn't creep into conversations, she breaches through,
Reach the roof
She speaks with that high self esteem. She is not serene or recluse;
Siamese, the two, the teacher leaves the two in the greenery room and
Peace Blooms
..
Mary and Jane meet in a group. It's Mary and Jane and Katrina & Sue.
Prissy, prestigiously cute pothead; peaking and preening - Squeezing perfume.

"Soil pH level is 3!"

She says conceited to the teach as he breeze in the room
Under artificial light
Sweat, beads sweet and radiant heat, releases the fumes.
The expansion of an embryo within its seed being released from the cocoon:
The fertilizer; warmth; moisture; darkness, release from the root -
The filtration; the activation of hormones that trigger, that squeeze,
That consumes, fluorescent light 12 hours a day recedes in the womb.
Insufficient Nutrients is all you need to force these plants to deflower a week 2 soon..
..
Jane & Mary sweetly swoon, innocently, primp and prickly -
"Give me some breathing room." Mary says; sticky, trying to keep her cool.
Jane cultivates. Directing energy towards Mary, 1000 of degrees
UV beams her boo.
The teacher is twiggy and sickly and vegan and pimply and geeky and teaching and, the two are deeply amused.
Mary has opened up to Jane's oscillating ways and has wilted, leaning completely seduced.
The sex is starting to reveal itself, naturally, is she confused?
Her trichomes glittery; her lips tingly; snip, snippets, she's stripped
Isn't she - Ultra Violet Pink Imagery Nude
..
"The two of you, pass up your beaker, put your seed in the tube."
Femininity breeding their jeans are askew
Reverse osmosis:
Pollination:
Jane has succeeded,
Mary is chlorophylled;


expectancy June


Secretly In Love With Everyone I Grew With -



especially u

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...sten_dunst.jpg

hated this topic. i did it better. you wrote a better (typical/)topical.

they're just words. speech is just noise. if you think about it, really.

Love is something else entirely.

The rhymes here were a little ragged. Also, should it be "Mary and Jane"?

On the second read, this is good foreshadowing and clever phrasing. The rhymes picked up and your natural flow carried it. I'm sure you wrote all these verses quickly, and there was some evidence of that throughout. But this was the section that really validated the verse.

A few grammatical mistakes really slowed me down here, but that wasn't the biggest issues. One of the things about extended metaphor stories is that they really have to make sense from both angles, and that wasn't the case here. This only made sense as being about plants. I think that you tried to hide the metaphor still a bit here slowed it down.

The line beginning with "The teacher is" could just be removed. But otherwise this stanza did what the previous one failed to do, really nicely capturing the essense of plant love that you were going for. The last couplet really hammers that home with some nice images and a mix of plant and feminine word choice.

This was an OK ending to a very strange but distinct verse. By no means does this represent your best work, but it's written distinctly in your style. Polishing up the concept and streamlining both ends of the metaphor to work better together would have been good. But I liked the approach to the topic, though the photo of Kirsten Bell was unnecessary (not that I minded; I like redheaded girls).