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AOWL Week 5: Mike Wrecka (AOWL #1 CONTENDER) (3-1) VS. Adonis (1-0) - ADONIS WINS 8-3
16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. Verses are due FRIDAY 3/15 at 11:59 PST. Extensions are due SATURDAY 3/16 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!! You MUST check in. You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week. If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league. TOPIC: "Hell is empty and all the devils are here." -William Shakespeare Good luck to both participants. @Mike Wrecka @Adonis |
yizzerp
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LOL @ being a contender...I impressed huh? GoodLuck killa
Frank vs. Zygote No Good vs. Witty Red Glare vs. ZenLand |
Not exactly Adonis. This isn't a contender match. Wrecka is the automatic #1 contender. He will be vying for a title next week. If you win this match you will have a key victory bonus & depending on circumstances, a shot in a contenders match. Full details in the magazine tomorrow.
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TOPIC: "Hell is empty and all the devils are here."-William Shakespeare Title: A beautiful Struggle I'm his little miss Loveable – I do no wrong, A locket of life – I'm his gift...His charm, I live those songs fairy tales comprise, Open arm embrace...As I close both eyes. A beautiful child birthed so tastefully, Mother would die, still father would baby me, Raised and cherished... Never begrudged, Taught respect is earned and always beloved, A gentle soul - with no wings exposed, Yet he was tailored inside an angels mold, This man's a saint, brushing hair from my face, Whispering my beauty equals Helen's own grace, I bend rules... Nearly snapping them in half, He strokes my locks - teaching error in my path, He indulges me in all my childish ways, eating cheerios with the skies final sun ray, He tucks me in, my cheeks press his lips, this isn't earth, it's proof that heaven exists. There's a demon in the closet - potent as ever, His content is sipped – Angelic ways severed, He breads darkness... In a liquid form, A spirit that will burn in the wettest storm, It's not often he binges, I can't remember the last, But I'm little miss speed bag, while emptying a flask, Months go passed – it grew worse indeed, I shake, I weep - I need safe sleep. My physical's tarnished, my emotions are baggage, I try to take flight, but I'm a victim of habit, A Barbie behind bars isolated with trouble, As barbaric hands stifle screams to muffles, Gropes evolve - and squeeze a life to plead, if the throat can't wheeze then drop to knees, When allowed – Lungs will open wide for Oxygen, Or the throbbing member injected like collagen, back to gasping...Eyes swelling with tears, I beg “mercy”!!! - In French he just says “cheers”, “You're welcome my dear”. Then shreds my brassiere, He gnaws the areola until skin is pierced, “God if you exist, please take my life... I pray to die” . - Ironic because, I'm the prey tonight. Legs agape – pounded severely, A fluid released, the demon is weary. I'm his little Mrs. Punctual – always on time, A locket of Life - instilled in mine, I'm late, it's fine – nine months will pass, And his Demonic wrath... Will break my cage at last. The seed he bore... Deep in my being, Might mean I'm mom...And die while birthing. |
TOPIC: "Hell is empty and all the devils are here." -William Shakespeare
don't get bit, its the zombie apocalypse, hell on earth in the streets of this metropolis/ everything is opposite and upside down, people hide underground, while the dead are walking around/ making a sound, that drowns out, everything else, total chaos, anarchy, every man for himself/ had a mansion and wealth, when I heard the news, now im spinning like tires with just a fraction of traction to use/ reaction to a caption I viewed? saying stay where you are, with these monsters on the road my car wouldn't get very far/ this is heavy! bizarre! those infected with this infection, turn a pale complexion, die, then have a resurrection/ I need a weapon, protection, cause after they rise, they try to eat you alive, with a blood thirsty look in their eyes/ im really hurting inside, feels like a dart to the heart, wife got bit, came home, then tried to rip me apart/ alone in the dark, the person I dedicated my life to, tried to tear out my throat, so I drove a knife through/ her hand,but seriously you don't understand, it was like damn, she didn't feel it so I took off and ran/ locked myself in a room, don't wanna be consumed, but gotta assume that this door will be broken through soon/ I hear clawing and scratching, she wont stop attacking, take a look at the window and decide to start packing/ randomly stacking, acting like im taking a trip, yell to my wife, love you hunny, be home in a bit/ maneuver then slip, full of emotion and rage, as it becomes clear to me that ive broken my legs/ im hopelessly dazed and somewhat confused, as my neighbors shuffle over and treat me like food/ they are ravenous, body becomes cavernous, im not ready, to watch my intestines get slurped up like spaghetti/ hell must be empty, all the demons are here, and the reality appears to be perfectly clear/ they were here all along, humanity wasn't on the right track, mother nature created a disease, as a way to fight back/ torn in different directions, by this gluttonous pack, finally at peace, as everything fades to black/ |
adonis
pros; fancy cons; questionable it was hard for me to get through your verse man...it was truly sickening... hell indeed... was that done purposefully or were you just venting some serious issues.. uncomfortable read my man, actual writing was compelling but not for me... not my cup of tea mate.. tone it down some Adonis are you a female? mike wrecka; pros; easy to read cons; free flowing your verse was also difficult to get through man... i feel you copied my style a lil...you used some of my style and I was turned off by that... rolflmao jokes... I did notice some similairties in our verses man... this seemed like a flex joint, and I read it... wasn't impressed but your ability to write and write took a whole hell of endurance v/mike wrecka |
Adonis: Cool take on the topic. Kinda emotional. Good execution and flow. Overall a solid piece. Don't really got anything more to add beside of that.
Mike Wrecka: Kinda predictable twist and story. Hell on earth and all that.. I've also read better zombie apocalypse pieces. That he fell and broke his legs seemed rather vague too. Like, seriously? Both of his legs? Couldn't he have twisted his ankle or something? That the main character dies is also kinda clichè for a piece like this. Put more thought into your pieces, a message or something along with it, Idk.. It was a decent verse at best, the flow was choppy at times and the story wasn't all that engaging. It barely kept me entertained enough to read it through without going ''isn't it done yet?'', and I love zombie apocalypses man. Vote: Adonis. He had a more creative approach to the topic and I liked it better. Mike Wrecka had a decent piece at best, but it wasn't really creative or engaging when it comes down to it. |
fuckers... this was diffcult to vote on.
ok ok ok.. Adonis - loved the way you wrote this. very poetic. your flow and cadence was well written out on this. your vocabulary on this piece was perfect. some of my fav lines were. "..He tucks me in, my cheeks press his lips, this isn't earth, it's proof that heaven exists.." and "..My physical's tarnished, my emotions are baggage, I try to take flight, but I'm a victim of habit.." I just loved how those came across.. well done. Mike Wrecka - Nice storytelling! you had some vivid imagery on this forreal. flow was nice, however it didn't pack the same cadence type of punch that adonis' had. However it wasn't completely required. you told a great little story here. overall a hard battle to vote on. and Id say respectively this could be BOTW, both had good stories flow and all that jazz, so it came down to personal taste. With that said I enjoyed Mike's a bit more in the end. pretty dope tho. props to both. V/ Mike Wrecka |
Dope battle.
Adonis you brought one crazy ass drop man. The imagery your piece captured was fuckin brilliant. To me an easy read and honestly once I started reading it I couldn't stop lol. The scheme was simple but it flowed very well. And that devil burns in the wettest storm line was fucking dope as hell to me haha. Mike Wrecka honestly man I've read much better from you. I always enjoy your pieces and this week was no different but it just felt like it was lacking something honestly. It was kind of the same old zombie apocalypse story with no real depth in my opinion. So with that being said I gotta go with Adonis for the upset. Dope battle though fellas |
Loved this topic....
Adonis.....NASTY WANKER...got that off my chest. Aside from the major discomfort from your piece I give it an A- for obvious reasons. Very graphic, very emotional and very topic oriented. It was like this piece is why Shakespeare said the qoute in the first place. I refuse to call this dope, I refuse. Lol Mike wrecka..... thanks for not making me sick. The flow was on point with this. Good story even if I felt I should have been a lil more complex. Kinda seemed simple as far as scheme and vocab go. Personally I would have killed the wife, js. She dead already and I don't want her eating on folk. Mercy kill. VOTE....Adonis, regrettable. All jokes aside his story and execution was dop*. More gripping and a harder impact. That shock value. |
Adonis:
The first thing i noticed immediately, because it's something I put time into as well, is the deliberate use of certain words... I appreciated the cleverness. Quote:
The story itself wasn't groundbreaking, but the juxtaposition of the pleasant beginning and the dark ending was done well.. The transition was nonexistent, but the jarring sensation it caused when going from the first portion of the verse to the second worked well. The ending line seemed a little weak in comparison to the rest of the verse however. Mike Wrecka: I hate zombies, ugh.. haha this was a fun read. It was a little lacking in detail for my personal taste, but it's hard to do that when covering so much ground from a storytelling perspective. While the overall verse was definitely enjoyable, when taken from a line by line basis, certain aspects seemed a bit spotty.. ie. you're wording... Quote:
Quote:
Vote: Both verses were enjoyable, but Adonis wins this one for me. It was the better verse this week from a technical and storytelling level.. |
mic.
usuall dopeness you come with. thoguht this was outstanding...for some reason the first line stays with me..i dont know why. it not really something outragously dope..infact its pretty simple....it just set the tone for me...and you never let that die through out your piece...i thought that was a strong point for you. felt like you could of made the story a bit more compelling.. thats the only complaint. Nis. its apparant you alot of writing skill..you have this very technical flow to your stuff...like its very percisioned lol. thought this was no exception. great imagery tbh, i thought that was the biggest thing i took from this..and its fitting i mean the route you took with the topic begged for some dope imagery and you didnt disapoint. felt like you stumbled a bit here and there but not enough to effect your piece that much... overall mic created a scene of horror and shit..while adonis seemed to approach the topic with a more cerberal aspect. pyschological even. i gota great sccenerio and vibe from one..and some great imagery along with some impressive mechanics with the other. great battle folks i know i say that alot but its the leagues fault..in the end tho ama go with adonis on this one..she dropped a solid verse adonis. |
mike - a zombie apocalypse is a pretty liberal take on the topic. your imagery was enough but it the wording was pretty basic in terms of unique wording and writing techniques such as metaphor, deceit, etc. (theres hundreds, pick any). the story flowed well but again it didnt jump out at me and make me say damn why didnt i think of that shit. flow was the same way. not bad. not outstanding.
adonis - this was nice. very emotional in your word choice making it personal and i could feel the innocence turn into darkness as the piece went on.very nice. the flow wasnt top notch but it had some great moments although there were some eh parts. overall a very good piece with the contrasting wording to the scenario becoming more sinister as the piece went on, ultimately closing with what i will call "the end of the beginning". a sinister technique that only leaves the mind to wander towards more deadly chapters as this seemingly irascible infant begins roaming the earth, shortly after the murder of his mother (i interpret it as a murder) v - adonis |
adonis:
In your face.. i like it.. This had a strong writers voice with the correct emotion for the main character making her feel warm and alive.. even while dying inside.. There was a brilliant display of development and progression of a character in this verse, fused with a subtle touch of dark humour in a few lines to show her fall from grace and desperation.. Real nice mate.. Mike: Man i am assuming this is a cypher.. NO.. i mean you started it off cool like your warming up but by about 6-8 bar it became looser and looser to the point i was like damn this guy really needs to start throwing in some violent twists or vital description of the environment/action to bring this back.. Story itself wasn't overly impressive but if its a key n i believe this is at the end of the day its cool for what it seems.. Just not a full verse, especially in a contend match.. Soz pal.. I do like your rhythmn though and will go check out your other work.. Pz vote = adonis This dude floored it.. besides being a well and full written verse in general it had great progression and internally emotion expressed.. Dope drop |
mike wrecka - i got a laugh from "love you honny.. be home in a bit"
humans=virus, undertones of that throughout the entire piece.. like here.. reaction to a caption I viewed? saying stay where you are, with these monsters on the road my car wouldn't get very far/ . . . industrialization impedes human progression? amirite? also the humorous tone evident in "..right through/her hand.." worked with the flow well. overall a clean piece, avoided being too gory except for the spaghetti intestine part.. so not relying on shock was a +1. "as my neighbors shuffle over and treat me like food" -lol adonis - you are quite good at being twisted. My physical's tarnished, my emotions are baggage, I try to take flight, but I'm a victim of habit, ^ flowed well here.. in the style of the entire piece.kinda punchy-i'm assuming to complement the shock value of the story itself. it was poetic and made me cringe while saying, "hey adonis is pretty good.". so, good job accomplishing that goal. you showed off your skill as a writer by fully exploring the story. i think just a liittle bit more as far as mechanics goes, i would've had no choice but to give you the /v. absolutely gruesome wordplay and a close battle. God if you exist, please take my life... I pray to die” . - Ironic because, I'm the prey tonight. /v mike wrecka |
sensitive vs zombie takeover... interesting to read
Adonis - This was a great detailed topical writing... the poetical narration kept it colorful and put the character details you used creates an emotional connection with your readers. your details are nicely drawn out.. flow was moire on the simple side of things in my opinion, but it was still very enjoyable. I hate emotional baggage, but you played on that well and did a good job with this.. Mic... This was nice and i like zombie shit a great deaal. the blood and gore of a good zombie feature flick is dope and you did that nicely here. The flow was moire on point in some sections than in others, but the details and the dsciptions kept me reading. it was kinda obvious in the narration as it kept going so the ending wasn't much really, but i liked the details of it all. needed more of an original outline for the narration i think. like the zombie doing something that we all don't see in every zombie flim... that's kinda hard to do with a theme that's been done so much so i'm sure everyone is saying this concept is kinda played.... i guess it is... i liked it tho... but it is... Vote Adonis.. just more creative in his narration... |
ADONIS WINS 8-3
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