If I can help anyone, post in this thread and I'll try where I can.
 

LETS GOOOOO!!!!!

wording tips??

i think my hat game is lacking

With what, punchlines for battles or topicals?

I'm not familiar with you enough to know where to help.

Leave me some examples.

No troll, I just recently picked up an exclusive Pilot Trapper with peak. Never seen a trapper hat with a peak prior to it. So slick.

I've just tried googling 'Trapper Hat with Peak' 'Pilot Trapper Peak' etc and there is nothing like it.

Next level hat game, yo!

I can't even fathom that lol

I'll come back for tips whenever I can nail down exactly what I think needs improvement next. I just do battles btw

punchlines for battles


here some examples

you live in a fantasy world, what do you think this is?
it's ironic your name is Yoda & your wording is exactly as his
yoda we all know your old, long time no battle and out of shape
maybe because you gave up after watching yourself in one of these old videotapes
old fucking man, we all know you're not in a human age class
you can grab your lightsaber and have Skywalker stick it up your ass
you'll never win anything, yoda, doesn't matter how much times you try
if niggas ever tried to follow Yoda's role they'd end either dead or married with a guy
the way i throw n sling punches you gonna miss your old good moments
he'll never open his third eye.. as he can barely keep his left one open
you don't like chicks.. you're gay in many point of views
if you never liked a Hot Coffee a tea bag would be perfect for you

people would take you serious if you were a good academician
if you ever use a pen is to write letters to your mom while in the prison
joe can't hold up a great battle record.. he cant even make a tea party
we all want Joe morgan lose again after this and finish like this fag 39-40
you'll never become someone, joe, we all wonder what you doing
this nigga wannabe firefighter.. he'll end like the chuck & larry movie
joe sings, lives in a fantasy of ever becoming part of the glee club
but you can become something, most likely Scarface after i fuck you up
you suck stop it, joe, you can't make a verse and make it clean
we all know this is a battle scene, prolly next 5 secs it will turn into crime scene


i personally think these verses lack alot of wording. i want to see how i couldve pulled them off better etc

Your problem isn't so much your wording, though at times it is, but just skimming through your biggest problem is your concepts (or lack there of).

Take this for instance:

The set-up isn't relative to the punchline. It doesn't set-up the line following it. What does him being old, in the set-up, have to do with him being gay in the punchline? The two aren't connected, and they should be, the first should set-up the pay-off in the second.

Furthermore, the actual 'punch' has no impact. No sting. There's nothing witty about it, nothing particularly creative or original, no wordplay. It falls flat.


That one's a lot better, it was a decent idea and the punch was worded adequately enough, it's just things like "old good moments" in your setup - It doesn't sound natural at all, it sounds garbled. Try to keep it natural sounding.

ya that was agaisnt some fella called Yoda. yoda is old but yea i feel you. thanks for the help.
much love

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showt...OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!

I actually wasn't finished, I just browse at work and respond sporadically between appointments. Text is very, very formulaic after a while IMHO.

There are different types of punches and I'll try to show you them as and when I have time.

Keep posted.

oks. thank you bro. ill be waiting for them

Are you willing to help your Irish friend, in text rather than topical this time?

I would love you forever.

In for this..

Also, when you structure your verses (irl or doing barmaggedon) do you have any sort of progression? like can you just mix and match bars and not give a fuck?

Punchlines
Text to me gets very, very formulaic after a while. There are different types of punchlines, but I’ll try to give a general idea of what I mean to help.

List Punches:

Typically these rely on hyperbole and make a list of references to a thing or thing to emphasize their point.

Generally the layout would go something like: “You’re not just ________, you’re ______, _________ AND _____________.”

I can’t think of a great example off hand, but something like this should give you an idea of what I mean:

“You’re not just a fruit, you’re a vegetable, every item stocked by a greengrocer AND deserve to be covered by a grocery bag”

They’re hyperbole, but done in a slightly varying way.

Hyperbole:

The first example that comes to mind is:

“You’re so uncool, dehydration takes a backseat to your social status” by Resin

But anything that goes “You’re so ________ that __________ happens,”

OR

“You’re not just __________, you’re __________ too.”

Stop/Pause Lines

There seemed to be a flood of these at one point, personally I like these because the pay-off comes right at the end. Often with people like Beyond (no disrespect) using hyperboles, I would get halfway through the punchline and could predict in my head the direction it was going. With stop/pause lines that isn’t always so clear. Many people do them wrong, but when done right they can be really effective.

Let me know where you need work.

Personally, because of how I tend to write, I do structure my verses. I just find it easier to remember the verses this way, I tend to write in blocks of four and lead off every fifth line with the same multi I’ll end every fourth on. This probably wouldn’t work for everybody, but it’s what I find works best for me. There are probably others who can mix and match willy nilly and throw whatever in, but I tend to basically have a few concepts or ideas on an angle, and then spend the rest of my time working around these to connect them all. I’ve always been a fan of heavy multi usage and my vocabulary is pretty good, so this isn’t a problem for me, but I can see how other people wouldn’t do it.

thats some real dope shit bro. thanks for these hints. never thought of it before. really appreciate your time ill keep reading this along the time.

No doubt @Mac

@Lotto Smirk you might find this thread useful, just seen your PM.

Lol I just read this and instantly something sprang to mind and I just couldn't help but feel the need to share it with you @Mac.....

You are what you eat AND Im surprised if mac didnt moo
You’re not just 'big mac', you’re supersized too!